In Every Life
by you'lllovemeandI'll loveyou
Summary: No matter what life they live, they always found each other. One shots and prompts based on songs or suggestions. Some may be extended into two shots.
1. Falling Around You (Over You)

In Every Life

Hi Guys, this is a series of one-shots based on songs and/or prompts. Feel free to give me any suggestions!

 _Falling Around You: Barry and Caitlin have been best-friends since the 3_ _rd_ _grade. Now in their mid-twenties Barry works as a police scientist for the police force and Caitlin as a doctor in a nearby hospital. Caitlin has secretly been in love with Barry since high school but never worked up the courage to tell him. Instead watching as he fell in love with beautiful journalist Iris_

Song: Over You by Ingrid Michaelson ft A Great Big World

…..

They met during the first week of the third grade during recess, Caitlin, the new girl at school had been standing, looking around awkwardly for somewhere to sit. Barry, a bit of a loner himself, saw the terrified look on the poor girls face and got up, walking over to her. He'd brought her back to the table where he usually ate and sat down, offering her one of his cookies. They'd been joined at the hip ever since.

When Barry's mother died in an accident the next year, Caitlin had sat with him while he cried, rubbing his back and stroking his hair. When Caitlin's father died when she was 14, he did the same.

The two went through the hellish stage of life called high school together, both excelling in science while Barry also did very well in music and Caitlin, physical studies. Many weekends were spent with movie marathons and sleepovers at Caitlin's house, her mother was an absent parent to say the least. They both developed an affinity for superhero movies, lining up together for hours to see the newest ones and dressing up for comicon each year.

Everything changed for Caitlin one day in her senior year of high school. It was a weekend and they were having a studying session/sleepover, Barry had woken up in the middle of the night to find Caitlin slumped over her laptop, books acting as her pillow.

He'd gently pried her away from the desk, picking her up and carrying her to her bed. He tucked her in and pressed a kiss to her forehead before going back to sleep on the floor nearby. Caitlin had woken up though, and had felt the kiss, the skin where his lips touched tingling.

Ever since then she felt this connection to Barry, her heart speeding up whenever he was near. So, when he met Iris, a journalism student in his first year of college Caitlin's heart broke. Part of her deliberated between finally telling Barry how she felt or keeping quiet. But then she saw how happy Barry was, and she knew she couldn't do anything to jeopardise that happiness.

During their years at college, Barry and Iris's relationship was on and off, breaking up constantly and then getting back together a few weeks later. Caitlin and Barry also formed a close friendship with an funny engineering student called Cisco who introduced Caitlin to a fellow engineering student called Ronnie.

He was nice, always opening doors and pulling out chairs for Caitlin. He sent her flowers and held her hand, never pushing her when she didn't want to take things further. But despite all that Caitlin never felt the way she did when she was around Barry. Knowing it was wrong to lead him on she broke things off with Ronnie, choosing to throw herself into her studies to distract herself.

Barry graduated a year before her and soon got a job at the local police department as a police scientist. He settled down a lot more after that, his relationship with Iris becoming more serious. Gone were the graphic t-shirts and ripped jeans Caitlin was so used to his wearing, button up shirts replacing them. But despite this change they never let it affect their friendship, they still hung out when they could, dragging Cisco along with them to see the newest Spiderman movie.

When Caitlin graduated a month ago, they were both there, yelling and whistling when she got her diploma as she blushed and ran off the stage. Afterwards they went out for drinks, Barry excusing himself to go the bathroom at one point. That's when Cisco pounced.

"So, are you ever planning on telling Barry that you're hopelessly in love with him?" he asked bluntly.

She chocked on her gin and tonic, Cisco thumping her back as she spluttered "W-What are you talking about?" she exclaimed when she'd recovered.

"Oh come on Caitlin, I see the way you look at him. We've been friends for 3 years now, how could I not know?" he said with a knowing smile.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about" she stammered, choosing to stare down at her drink

"Ok then, but if you are going to tell him, do it soon. Apparently, Iris has marriage on the brain" Cisco says, causing Caitlin to look up sharply. At that point Barry returned and they returned to their previous conversation, but Caitlin couldn't help thinking about what Cisco said. Was Barry going to propose? If so could Caitlin just stand back and watch as the man she'd been in love with for almost a decade promised himself to another?

No, she couldn't.

So, she came up with an easy solution, she'd just take herself out of the equation. A few calls and an email with her resume attached later she found herself accepted into an internship at a hospital in Star City. She didn't tell anyone until the week she was due to leave, Cisco wasn't happy to say the least.

"You're seriously leaving the city because of a guy?" he asked incredulously

"I told you Cisco, it's not because of Barry. I just, I think now would be a good time to make a fresh start. And Starling General is one of the best hospitals on this side of the country, it's not that far away" she replies as she packs away her things for the move.

"So, it has nothing to do with the fact that I said that Iris wants to get married?"

"No, I'm happy for Barry. If this is what he wants then I'm glad" she says, refusing to meet Cisco's eyes

"You know he's going to flip out when you tell him" he says and she sighs, stopping her packing.

"I know. I'm meeting him tonight" she says before turning to Cisco "I have to go Cisco"

"I know you do" he says, pulling her into a hug "I'm just gonna miss you that's all"

"I'm going to miss you too, you'll have to come and visit okay?" she says, pulling away and wiping at her eyes with her sleeve.

"That's a deal, now come on. We need to get packing"

…..

She meets Barry at a local diner, her stomach twisted into knots as she approaches their booth.

"Hey" She says with a smile as she sits down

"Hey! I feel like we haven't hung out in forever" he says "We need to do a movie night sometime soon. Maybe even get Cisco to watch some Avengers with us"

She smiles, picking up her menu "Uh…yeah, maybe"

They catch up while they eat, telling each other what they'd missed. Barry is telling her about his latest adventure as a police scientist when she blurts it out, unable to act like nothing is going on anymore.

"I'm moving!"

Barry falls silent, his eyes widening as takes in this news "What? When?... Where?" he asks when he finally regains his voice.

"In 4 days, I got accepted into an internship at Starling General Hospital" she says, when he refuses to look up she gently takes his hand "Barry, c'mon. Say something, please"

His eyes meet hers and she can tell he's angry.

"How, how could you only tell me now? Why are you even going Cait? We have hospitals here" she says, raising his voice slightly "We've been friends for over a decade and you can only tell me 4 days before you're going that you're moving!"

"Barry, please. Can we not do this here? Can we just go outside and talk?" she asks and when he nods she flags the waitress for the bill, handing her some notes as she picks up her coat.

They go outside in the cool autumn air, Barry standing with his hands in his pockets as he waits for Caitlin to speak.

"I'm sorry" she begins "I didn't know how to tell you. I was scared of how you'd react"

"I can't believe you're actually going. This can't be happening" he says in disbelief

"I'm sorry"

"Why? Why leave? I mean, I get that Star City has a great hospital but we have a pretty good one here too"

"Barry it's not that simple" she tries to explain

"Then what? What is it? Caitlin you're my best friend! Talk to me" he begs, grabbing her wrist.

She stares up at him, torn between finally telling him and walking away, shaking her head she pulls her arm away "I have to go Barry, I need a fresh start. There's nothing here for me anymore"

"I'm here! Cisco is too! We need you Caitlin"

"Not in the way that I need you!" she shouts, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"What is that supposed to mean?" He asks, confusion clear on his face

"Just forget it Barry" she says, wiping her face with her hands "I didn't want things to end this way"

"They don't have to! You don't have to go"

"Barry please"

"Caitlin you're my best friend" he says, stepping closer "the thought of not being able to see you every day… It makes me sick to my stomach. Please, what would make you stay?"

She's silent for a few seconds, staring at him in disbelief. Did he really have no idea? "For you" she says "I would stay for you"

His brow furrows as he tries to process what she's saying. Moving slightly forward she keeps talking "I'm in love with you Barry, I always have been. And I've tried not to feel it, god I've tried to move on but I can't, because no matter what I'm doing or who I'm with all I can think about is you. And I know you love Iris and I don't expect anything from you, I just… I needed to say it. Just once" She's slightly out of breath by the time she's finished, raining starting to drizzle over them.

He opens and closes his mouth a few times before speaking "W-Why are you telling me this? What am I supposed to do with that Caitlin?"

"I'm sorry" she mutters

"I'm with Iris" he states, the rain starting to get heavier and soak their clothes

She nods, taking a step back "I know… you know what? Just forget I said anything, it doesn't matter. I wish you two all the best"

"Caitlin, don't you dare walk off. You can't just drop this on me and then leave!" He shouts

"I can't do this, I'm sorry Barry" she mutters before rushing off into the rain.

When Cisco opens the door, she collapses into his arms, her wet hair soaking the front of his shirt "Caitlin? Hey, what's happened?" he asks worriedly as he ushers her into his apartment.

"I told him… I told him Cisco" she sobs as he offers her a seat on his couch

"You told him? Well maybe this is a good thing" he says as goes to get her a glass of water.

She shakes her head "You didn't see the way he looked at me Cisco, I've ruined everything"

He hands her the glass of water and then sits down beside her "Just give him time Caitlin, I'm sure it's not as bad as it seems"

She sighs, taking a sip of the water. Part of her felt like it was even worse.

…..

The next day Cisco takes her back to her apartment, trying to get her mind off of Barry and also to finish the rest of their packing. He can't help but notice how red her eyes are as she tapes shut another box and he's willing to bet it's not from all the dust.

She smiles as she comes across a photo of Barry and her at their senior prom, neither had dates so they went together and they actually had a pretty good night. She notices Cisco staring and at that point she realises she's crying again.

"Sorry" she mutters, wiping her face "They just won't turn off"

"Are you sure you don't want to talk to him?" he asks as he finishes up his last box

"Yeah" she says with a sniff "It's just too raw right now, it would just make everything worse"

Looking back at the picture she smiles "Growing up we spent so much time together. It was like we were two halves of the same person. Like it physically hurt to be away from each other for too long. I need him so much Cisco, he's a part of me. And I know it sounds sappy but I thought, just for a minute… that he needed me too" she says, placing the photo down.

"I do need you" Barry's voice speaks from behind her

She turns around and he's standing in her living room, his set of keys to her apartment in his hand "B-Barry? What are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you"

Cisco gets up "I'm going to take that as my cue to go" he says, leaving her apartment.

She turns back to Barry "Barry I'm sorry for last night, I shouldn't have dumped it on you"

He comes closer, studying her face "You've been crying" he states, taking in her red eyes.

"I'm fine" she says, wiping her eyes quickly with her sleeve.

"No, you're not. You're in pain, Cait please don't try and hide from me"

She gives him a watery smile "really Barry I'm okay, just having trouble controlling my tear ducts" she says with a small laugh followed by a sniff.

He comes closer, gently placing his hands on her arms like he had yesterday "Of course I need you Caitlin, you're my best friend in the world! I don't know what I'd do without you. I don't want you to go"

"I don't either" she whimpers, her eyes pricking and betraying her again "But I can't keep doing this Barry, I can't watch you with her anymore, it's killing me"

He moves closer, wrapping his arms around her as she cries "Please, please don't go"

"I have to" she says, her voice muffled by his shirt "I need to do this, I need to try and move on. Please Barry, if you love me, don't make this harder than it already is"

He kisses her hair, pulling away "I do love you Cait" he says, wiping at his own eyes

"Just not in the way that I love you" she says, looking down at her feet

"Caitlin..." he doesn't know what to say, all he knows is that it feels like something is ending and he desperately wants to stop it.

She looks back up, tears are shining on her face but she gives him a smile "It's okay Barry, really. Iris is perfect for you, she'll say yes, she'd be a fool not to"

He wants to ask her how she knows about the proposal but doesn't, this would be the last time they'd see each other for god knows how long and he wasn't going to waste it interrogating her

"... Are you going to come back?" he asks

"I-I don't know Barry… I need time" she says "Maybe one day we can meet up?"

He smiles, his first real one since last night "I'd like that"

They hug again before she leads him to the door, they're both almost crying when he finally leaves.

"Goodbye Caitlin"

"Goodbye Barry"

She closes her door, making it two steps into the room before collapsing onto the floor in tears.

….

Three days later Caitlin boards a plane to Starling City.

 _Maybe if I tell myself enough…_

 _Maybe if I do_


	2. In My Veins

In Every Life

 _Chapter 2: In My Veins_

 _Soulmate Prompt: Yes, I know everyone does this, call me cheesy but I love these kinds of stories. When soulmates meet, their marks start to appear. At first, they are quite subtle but the more time they spend with their soulmate the more vibrant their marks get. When they fall in love the marks turn silver. Set in high school._

It was a warm summer day when Barry first realised he had gotten his soulmate mark. He had been in the shower when he had first noticed the faded blue lines on his ankle, the form resembling a snowflake. But as he stared at it now he realised that the mark was becoming much more vibrant, as if he'd been spending time with his soulmate. With a smile, he rushed to school, desperate to talk to his friends.

Caitlin sat at one of the tables outside of the school, focused on her science homework while Cisco sat beside her, ranting on about the girl he had met last week and how he was sure she was 'the one'. The ever elusive 'soulmate'. Caitlin couldn't understand all the fuss, she had gotten her soul mark a while ago and nothing really changed.

Barry ran up to the table, a large grin on his face as he sat down. Realising she wouldn't get any work done with the two of them around she closed her science book with a sigh.

"What's up?" she asked, turning to face him, she wanted to be mad at him for interrupting her study time but the smile on his face was so bright she couldn't help but smile back

"My soulmate, my mark is getting darker" he said with a grin

"You have your mark? Why didn't you tell us when it appeared?" Cisco asked, sitting on the other side of Barry.

"Because I had no idea who it was, but it's getting darker so that means I must know her right? They only get darker when you spend time with them" he said excitedly

"Well? Come on show us the mark" Cisco said impatiently

Barry reached down to his left leg and pulled the bottom of his jeans up, showing them the sky-blue lines that formed a delicate snowflake on his ankle. Caitlin's heart leapt for a moment before freezing, if she had been drinking something this would be the time where she'd spit it out dramatically.

"Cool mark man, mine's just a bunch of curved lines faced towards each other" Cisco commented "So who's the girl?"

"Iris, I'm sure of it" Barry says with a smile and Caitlin's frozen heart quickly falls to the floor, shattering at her feet.

"But why the snowflake? What's that got to do with Iris?" Cisco asks

"Well it was snowing the day we met, we barely even spoke but I remember that it was snowing. It has to be her. Plus I've liked her since forever"

Cisco claps him on the shoulder "Well good for you Barry, I'm glad you found your person"

Caitlin forces a smile "That's great Barry. Iris is a lucky girl… I actually have to go, I forgot I need to ask Ms Thompson about something for history" she said hurriedly picking up her books and ignoring the weird looks Cisco and Barry gave her as she fled from their table.

Quickly entering the first bathroom she saw, she placed her bag down and pulled at the grey sweater she was wearing. Pulling it just far enough she glanced at the mark halfway between her collarbone and her shoulder. The once dark blue lines of the snowflake etched into her skin had turned a light blue.

Supressing a sob, she pulled her sweater back up, gripping the sink in front of her with both hands.

' _Barry!'_ she thought _'My soulmate was Barry? This couldn't be happening, this could not be happening. Barry was one of her best friends! He was the guy who brought over soup when she was sick and comforted her when her dad left. And yes, she may have had a teeny crush on him but soulmates?'_

She shook her head _'There must have been some sort of mistake, I mean those must happen sometimes, right? Maybe they just had really similar marks'_

With a scoff, she broke down, sobbing over the sink. She didn't even believe the things she was thinking. Her soulmate was her best-friend, and he wanted it to be someone else.

…..

A week later Barry trudged into school, a sour look on his face as he dumped his bag to the ground. Caitlin and Cisco looked up as he sat down with a huff.

"Something wrong Bar?" Caitlin asked, concerned

"Iris isn't my soulmate" he said with a sigh, scowling at the table.

To Caitlin this was no news but still she leant forward, placing a hand on Barry's shoulder in an attempt to comfort him "What happened?"

"I saw her mark, it's a coffee cup. We don't match" he said sullenly, leaning into Caitlin's touch, letting her familiar warmth help soothe his troubled heart.

"I'm sorry man" Cisco says sympathetically

"I thought I'd finally found her you know? I thought that I'd finally found the person who I was destined to be with and now I'm back to square one again" Barry says with a sigh

"Do you have any idea who else it could be?" Cisco asks and Caitlin looks to Barry, her breath caught in her throat.

"No, I mean it could be anyone, right? It could just be a girl in one of my classes"

Inwardly she sighs with relief, outwardly she gives him a sympathetic smile and squeezes his shoulder, unaware that Cisco's curious eyes were watching her.

….

Weeks passed and Caitlin and Cisco were recruited into helping Barry narrow down who his soulmate could be. As Barry and Caitlin were both caffeine addicts they decided to stop off at a local coffee shop, an espresso for Barry, a hazelnut latte for Caitlin and some sort of seasonal frappe for Cisco, topped with cream and sprinkles.

"Maybe it's someone from here" Cisco said as they sat to wait for their drinks, quickly grabbing the only single chair so Barry and Caitlin would have to take the loveseat.

"Highly unlikely, the mark only gets darker when you spend heaps of time with them. I don't come here that often" Barry responded

"Well then it couldn't just be some random, it has to be someone we know" with a smile Cisco continued "What about Patty?" he asked, watching for Caitlin's reaction

"We only went out once and there was just no… connection you know?" Barry sighed "I just want to find her"

Caitlin began chewing on her bottom lip, the feeling like she was about to explode consuming her. Barry noticed and reached over, grabbing her hand "You okay? You're doing that biting your lower lip thing again?"

"Hmm? Yeah, I'm fine, just school stuff" Barry looked like he wanted to question her further but was soon distracted by their waitress coming over with their drinks, abruptly turning pink.

Caitlin looked up to see what was bothering him and inwardly winced, Iris was headed over to them, three drinks on the tray she carried in her hands.

"Hey guys" she said brightly as she laid their beverages on the table.

Barry mumbled a hello, awkwardly looking at his feet, Caitlin, sensing his discomfort squeezed his hand, brushing her thumb over it as she made polite conversation with Iris.

Barry looked at their intertwined hands, she always knew how to comfort him. He watched as she laughed at something Iris said, oddly enough he felt better now, lighter in a way.

As Iris left with a wave and they got back into their conversation Barry was left thinking;

 _Why couldn't Caitlin have been my soulmate?_

… _._

Another month passed and Barry looked unrelentingly for his soulmate, Caitlin felt her gut twist with guilt every time he thought he'd found 'her' only to be crushed yet again. Cisco had confronted her one afternoon after school, he'd given her two weeks to tell Barry otherwise he would.

In the end, she never had to tell him anything.

…

It had been a hot summer day, during the school break. Caitlin's mother was away, as usual, which meant Caitlin had no reason to cover up her soul mark, choosing to dress for comfort in the hot weather and wearing a string tank top and some shorts. So, when the doorbell rang she hadn't pulled something else on, thinking it was just the pizza delivery guy.

Her heart stopped when she swung open the door to see Barry standing on his doorstep. Of course, his eyes fixated on the mark on her shoulder, confusion clouding his face. That confusion quickly turned to anger and with a scoff he wordlessly turned around and stormed off her doorstep, ignoring Caitlin as she plead with him to let her explain.

The next day Cisco came over, the look of disappointment on his face giving away that he had already talked to Barry. Caitlin, wrung her head in her hands as they sat down on her couch, the guilt eating away at her.

"I've ruined everything! I feel so stupid" she groaned as Cisco sat beside her, listening sympathetically.

"I don't understand, why didn't you just tell him?" Cisco asks

She sighs, staring down into her hands "Because I wanted him to want me, and not because a mark told him to…. Because Barry is… warm, and funny, and kind. He wears his heart on his sleeve and always tries to see the good in people. I'm…not like that, I'm cold, and awkward and I'm practically terrified of letting anyone close to me… I would ruin him"

Instead of loudly protesting like I expected him to, Cisco moves closer, giving her a one-armed hug "For the record I don't think you're any of those things, you just have these walls up, to protect yourself. Maybe you should tell Barry this, he thinks you didn't tell him because you don't like him that way"

"That's ridiculous!" she huffs "I've always liked him, even before I noticed this stupid mark" she said, touching her shoulder where her mark was "When he showed us his mark, for a second there I was happy, terrified but happy. And then he said Iris, and I saw the way his face lit up when he said her name. He doesn't want me Cisco"

She broke down, sobbing onto his shoulder as he sat with her, comforting her. Cisco, hating seeing his best friends hurting swore then and there that he would do whatever it took to get these two to work things out.

…

A week of sulking passed before Cisco had had enough, banging on Barry's front door and storming inside when he opened it.

"Are the two of you ever going to talk about this?" he shouted, turning on a bewildered Barry "I don't want to have to go back and forth my best friends forever"

"You don't understand Cisco" Barry groaned

"Don't understand what? That you're one of the lucky people on this earth to meet their soulmate and instead of grabbing hold of her you're pushing her away?"

"I'm pushing _her_ away? She knew for months and never said anything!" Barry yelled

"Of course she didn't! She's Caitlin, her trust issues are bigger than most rainforests. The first person you thought was your soulmate was Iris Barry, she thinks you don't want her" Cisco explained

"But that's ridiculous, who wouldn't want her? She's smart, and gorgeous, and probably the most caring person I know" Barry frowned, _surely she knew that?... Wait when did I start thinking about Caitlin that way?_

Cisco sighs, running a hand through his hair "Barry, her father left when she was 9, her mother is never home. She didn't grow up like you did, she doesn't love so openly, you know that. She thinks she's not good enough for you"

At this Barry's head perked up, disbelief and anguish written clearly across his face "I-I have to go see her" he stammered, staggering forward and grabbing his keys before rushing out the door.

Cisco looked around the silent house, "Well I guess I'll just let myself out"

 _I better be best man at their wedding_

…..

Caitlin looked like a mess, the mirror reflected the tiredness in her bloodshot eyes, the dark shadows under her eyes from nights of waking up screaming. She was pale, her skin appearing almost papery in her reflection. With a sigh, she pulled her hair into a ponytail and headed back downstairs to the loungeroom to watch another movie.

She was 20 minutes into _Bridesmaids_ when she heard a knock at the door. Pausing the movie, she got up and headed down the hallway to open the door. She froze, seeing Barry on her doorstep again.

"B-Barry? Wha-What are you doing here?" She stammered, suddenly feeling self-conscious of her appearance.

He stood on her doorstep, not yet meeting her eyes as he held his hands in his jacket pockets "We need to talk" he said, staring at the ground

"Okay, um… come in I guess" she said, holding the door open for him as he walked inside, she spoke as she closed the door "Barry I'm sorry, I know I hurt you"

He turned, still not meeting her eyes "Why did you do it? I mean, was it funny? Watching me look for my soulmate when you knew, _you knew_ I would never find her?" he spat, bitterness lacing his voice

"No! Of course not!"

"Then why!" he shouted, his sudden anger making her jump "Make me understand Caitlin!"

"I-" the words caught in her throat, she never meant for any of this to happen "I don't know! I don't know Barry, I was scared. I'm sorry"

"I need more than that Caitlin, I mean was I not good enough? Was the thought of being my soulmate so repulsive you had to hide it?"

"No! No Barry that was never it!" she cried out _couldn't he see that it was her that was the problem?_

"Then why" he repeated "I'm asking you now to tell me why, to explain Cait. I can't do this much longer"

She waited a few more moments before speaking "I didn't want to lose you" she said quietly, looking down at her hands

"Lose me? How would telling me that we're soulmates make you lose me?"

"Because it's not me that you want Barry, I could never compete with Iris"

"I never would have asked you to, you're my soulmate Caitlin"

"Don't you remember who you first thought of when you found your soul mark? You wanted _Iris,_ you love _Iris"_ The words seemed to be coming back to haunt him now, ringing in his head, mocking him.

"But you're different, _we're_ different. We're soulmates"

"So, what? You'd stay with me because a mark told you to? I wanted to you love me because you _loved_ me, not because you had no other choice" she rubs at her eyes furiously and for the first time since he stepped into his house Barry looks up.

"Hey, hey" he stepped closer, gently pulling her hands away from her face and looking into her eyes "You've been crying" he muttered, mindlessly wiping away the tears on her cheeks with his thumbs.

"I'm sorry Barry. You deserve better than this" she sniffs "I'm such a mess"

"You're perfect" he said quietly, his thumb now brushing against her jaw

"Barry…" she breathed, suddenly aware of how close his face was to hers

"Caitlin" he studied her face, taking in every detail he had never noticed before. Like how her brown eyes seemed almost hazel in this light or how red her lips usually were.

"I-I'm no good for you, I'm cold Barry"

"You feel plenty warm to me" he muttered as his hands shifted to cup her face

"I'm serious Barry" she mumbled, she could feel his breath on her face, her heartbeat speeding up from their close proximity "You'd be better off with someone else, someone who c-"

"Cait stop" he interrupted her rambling "Do you love me?"

She stared up at him, not willing to break the connection between them "Always, I can't help it. You're in me"

He broke into a smile before pressing his lips slightly to hers. It was only a brief kiss, both pulling away quickly but it was enough to leave them both breathless.

"But- but Iris?" she asked

He shook his head, smiling at her again "It was over before it even started. And it hurt, I won't deny that… But the thought of losing you? Of not being able to see you every day? It's unbearable Cait. I need you in my life"

"You're not just saying that because of the soul mark?" she asked, tears quickly refilling her eyes

He laughed "What do I have to say to prove it to you? I want _you_ Caitlin, I need _you…._ I love you"

She was the one who kissed him this time, reaching up onto her toes and pulling his towards her, desperate to be engulfed in the flame he had set alight in her with just one kiss. He eagerly responded, hands sliding down to her waist to pull her closer.

They ended up on the couch, Caitlin straddling his lap as he kissed her face, her lips, her jaw, he didn't want to leave once space untouched. His fingers deftly pulled up her jumper, his mouth now planted on her neck. He pulled away moments later, a breathless and confused Caitlin staring down at him.

"What's the matter? Did I do something wrong?"

Wordlessly he brushed his fingers against her soul mark, the mark that told the world that she was his and he was hers. Light blue lines now turned silver. She looked to where his hands were, smiling as she spotted the familiar marking. Raising her hand, she held his down "Well I guess there's no getting rid of you now. You're literally a part of me"

"I love you Caitlin"

"I love you too Barry, so very much"


	3. Safe and Sound

In Every Life

 _Chapter 3: Safe and Sound_

 _Set after Barry's father dies and Caitlin's kidnapping by Jay/Zoom. Neither are really coping with the recent events and after running into each other at the lab at 2am they become each other's support person. Barry does not create flashpoint in this, because we all know the shitstorm that brought_

Barry couldn't sleep, every night he'd spend hours staring at the ceiling, barely drifting off before waking up, screaming because he thought he could still feel his father's blood on his hands. Part of him wanted to ask Caitlin if she had any advice since the lack of sleep was starting to really get to him but he knew she had enough to deal with at the moment. As much as she tried, he knew she wasn't as okay as she portrayed.

With a groaned he turned onto his side and looked to his alarm clock. It read 2:06am. He pulled himself out of bed and quickly got dressed before flashing over to the lab. If he wasn't going to sleep he might as well do something productive. He headed to where his suit was stored, intending on doing some training when he collided with something, no, _someone,_ who fell back with a squeak.

Reaching out he quickly grabbed the person, steadying them. On his second glance, he recognised who it was.

"Caitlin?" he stared at the usually professionally dressed doctor, now in sweats and a jumper, her hair tied up messily and a bunch of folders in her arm. his eyes were immediately drawn to the shadows under her own, the almost fragile way she handled herself. "What are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

"Uh, yeah… not really I guess? It's been hard to sleep lately, what about you? What brings you here at… 2am?" she says, looking at the clock on the wall.

"Same I guess, I thought I might as well do some training" he said with a shrug

"You should have come and told me you weren't sleeping, I could have helped" she said in a lightly scolding tone which Barry liked to call her 'doctor voice'.

He passively shrugged again, earning a disapproving look from Caitlin, one perfectly arched brow raised, "Barry you know you of all people need to be in good health"

"Not like that did my father any good" he mumbled low under his breath, Caitlin only just catching it. She sighed, gently placing a hand on his arm.

"Barry, it wasn't your fault" she says, he scoffs, looking down at the ground. "Barry, c'mon… look at me" she murmurs as she cups his face in her hands, forcing his head up "It wasn't your fault"

Tears begin to leak from the corners of his eyes, splashing against her thumbs, she quickly brushes them away as he silently cries.

"I let him in Cait, I was the one who chose to trust him. None of this would have happened if it wasn't for me" he whispered, crying freely now

She shakes her head, tears now stinging her eyes "No Barry, you couldn't have known. Hell, I was dating the guy and I didn't"

"It hurts Cait, god it hurts so much" he whimpers, scrunching his eyes shut.

"I know, I know it does. I'm so sorry Barry. I wish I could say something to make this easier" she says "It's going to hurt, it might never stop. But you're not alone Barry, you have Joe and Iris and Cisco and me. We'll get you through this, I promise" she pulls his into his arms, feeling his body sag against hers as he began to sob.

She didn't try to hush him or pull away, she just let him cry until he couldn't anymore. She had a feeling he had been keeping it inside since the funeral. Eventually she moves them over to one of their couches, sitting down and pulling him next to her. She curls up on the couch, letting Barry lie his head on her lap as she absentmindedly strokes his hair.

"Go to sleep Barry, I'm not going anywhere"

He considers protesting but he's so comfortable and so tired. Before he knows it, he's drifting only to sleep, the feeling of her fingertips brushing through his hair the last thing he feels.

…..

Once his breathing evens out and she's sure he's asleep she slowly moves him off her lap and onto the couch, grabbing a blanket from one of the cupboards in the med bay. As she lays it down on top of him his hand shoots out, grabbing her wrist. She gently tries to pry his fingers away but he begins to groan in his sleep, as if he can tell she was planning on moving away.

It's impractical and the couch is probably not big enough for the both of them but his fingers are clenched tight and there's nothing she can do that won't wake him up. So, with a sigh she pulls the blanket up slightly, lying down on the couch with her back to Barry's chest. She freezes when he releases her wrist, winding his arms around her waist. She's about to question him when she hears him mumble, obviously still asleep.

She relaxes, pulling the blanket over both of them now "Night Barry" she whispers, just before she feels herself drift off.

…..

They continue this routine for the few weeks, whenever Barry had trouble sleeping or was feeling particularly low she'd come over, staying with him until he fell asleep, most of the time falling asleep herself. She waved off Cisco's questioning looks ever since he found them asleep on the couch together. He'd want to know what this meant and she didn't know herself.

During the day she patched him up, sewed him up and put him back together. During the night, she slept next to him, she held him through his nightmares, comforted him when he woke up crying. She focused on him, never telling him about her own nightmares, how she constantly looked over her shoulder because she could still feel Jay's presence, his _touch_ on her skin.

That is until the third week of their arrangement.

…..

Barry had been sleeping peacefully, his arms in their usual place around Caitlin's middle. He was woken from him sleep by Caitlin twisting in his arms and an ear-piercing scream. He quickly sat up to find Caitlin twisted in the sheets, weeping as she thrashed.

"Caitlin, Cait it's me! It's okay, you're having a nightmare" he said, trying to bring her out of it "It's not real Caitlin"

She continued to cry, her eyes squeezed shut as she sobbed out "please… please not him" reaching up to try and claw at her face.

He grabbed her arms, holding them down before pulling her against him, her back against his chest. He could feel her shaking in his arms, her heart racing so fast he thought it might burst from her chest. Tightening his grip on her he began to whisper in her ear "It's okay, it's okay Cait. I got you, it's not real"

She began to relax against his chest, still quietly weeping "It's okay Caitlin, you're safe, just wake up, come back to me"

When her eyes eventually opened, she turned her head, wide red eyes meeting his terrified ones. In the next second she turned, flinging herself against him as she cried.

"I…I thought….he said you were….I thought I'd _lost_ you" she whimpered, clinging to him as if she was scared to let him go for fear of him disappearing.

He held onto her, rubbing her back as he comforted her "It's okay, I'm okay Cait. I'm not going anywhere"

"He told me you were dead… for hours I thought you were…. I keep picturing it in my head"

He pressed a kiss to the side of her head, holding her tighter. He wanted to go back in time and make Jay… Hunter, pay for what he had done to her, for every tear he made her shed. Instead he held her until her sobs died down into little sniffles and she pulled away, his hands wiping away any tears left on her face.

"I'm sorry Cait, all this time you've been helping me and I never even asked you how you're dealing with what happened"

She sniffed, wiping her eyes "It's okay Barry. I wanted to avoid it, if I didn't think about it then maybe it could be like it never happened" she says before exhaling heavily "I can still hear him, I keep thinking I'm going to wake up still shackled to that desk Barry. I can still feel where he grabbed me"

"He's gone Caitlin, you're safe now"

"I know that, I do. I know you'd never let anything happen to me but, I just feel so… scared, all the time. I don't know how to stop it" she says, running her hands through her hair

"You were kidnapped Cait, it's going to take time to get over it" he said, retaking her hands "You remember when you helped me through that night a few weeks back? You said I wasn't alone Caitlin and neither are you, this goes both ways" he says gesturing back and forth between them "If you need me I'll be there in a second"

She smiles gently glancing down at their intertwined hands, Barry's thumb brushing over the knuckle of her pointer finger "We're quite the pair Mr Allen" she says, echoing the words spoken from what seems like a lifetime ago.

He doesn't say his line, instead choosing to press his lips lightly to hers. She decides this change is better.

…..

They continue like this, each going to the other when in need of comfort or simply just _because._ They hold each other through their nightmare, comforting each other with their words, and eventually their lips. It's not complete fix, there are still nights where Barry wakes up screaming, his father's dead body flashing in front of his eyes, still times Barry has to hold Caitlin's hand over his chest, her palm over his heart, to convince her that he's there and he's _alive_ after a nightmare.

They fit together, the broken pieces of their former selves fitting together like some sort of messed up jigsaw. The nights spent together become closer together before the gaps disappear completely. They both sleep better together anyways.

...


	4. Latch

In Every Life

4: _Latch_

 _Barry watches with jealousy as a guy tries to make a move on Caitlin during one of Cisco's fortnightly 'Team Flash Night Outs'. He decides to intervene._

….

Barry scowled down at his drink as he watched this guy continuously hit on Caitlin as she tried to order a drink from the bar. Cisco had practically declared it his mission to improve everyone's 'practically non-existent social lives' as he liked to call it. And so, every couple of weeks they'd make plans to go out, usually to a movie or a bar such as the one they were in.

Caitlin had surprised him by wearing the glittery 'evil' black dress she had worn to their karaoke outing, the opening chords of _Summer Nights_ echoing through his head when he first spotted her.

For some reason, he hadn't been able to take his eyes off of her since, noticing just how beautiful her laugh was when she reacted to one of Cisco's stories. Or the way her brown eyes shone under the bright lighting of the bar.

He watched as this guy again tried to make conversation with Caitlin, despite the fact that she obviously wasn't interested and had already turned down his advances twice now. Anger and something unfamiliar stirred in the pit of his stomach when he saw the guy practically cage her against the bar, blocking her exit. She bit into her lip, something Barry knew she did when something was bothering her and that was it.

Stalking up to this Brad Pitt wannabe he pulled the guys arm that was blocking Caitlin's exit away, "Come near her again and I'll make you wish you hadn't" he snarled

The guy raised an eyebrow, looking him up and down before a smirk appeared on his face "You her boyfriend or something?"

He's about to answer no, it's the truth, despite the growing feelings he had for the doctor. But when he glances at Caitlin and sees how uncomfortable she is he instead blurts out "Yeah, I am. So back off"

The man looked between the two of them, as if trying to discern whether or not they could actually be a couple. He shakes his head "No, I don't believe it. Look man why don't you leave us alone and let us get back to our conversation"

He can feel Caitlin's eyes of him as he steps forward, blocking him from getting anywhere near her "I don't really care if you believe me or not, it's the truth"

"Prove it then"

Barry frowns "What?"

"Prove it" the man challenges, staring him down.

Caitlin's about to interrupt, to tell this guy to get lost when Barry's hands gently grab her face and pull her forward, clashing their mouths together. She's in shock for a few seconds before she responds fully, losing herself like she did when Everyman kissed her posing as Barry. She feels Barry press her gently against the bar as her fingers wind almost painfully in the hair on the back of his neck.

Just as Barry's tongue slips into her mouth, the man beside them speaks up "Okay, I get it. No need to give me a full show"

Barry pulls away, leaving her dazed and breathless. Threading his fingers through hers he starts to pull her away from the bar, drinks now forgotten. Cisco, who had seen the whole thing starts to laugh loudly and whistle at them, Caitlin's face turning red as they leave the bar. Barry flashes them to her apartment, a grin on his face as she fumbles in her bag for her keys. Once inside she finds herself pressed up against the door, his lips meeting hers again as his hands clasp her sides.

She kisses him back with just as much passion, hands gripping his shoulders and grinding her hips her hips, eliciting a groan from him. His lips pull away from hers, instead latching onto her neck when her brain finally starts to kick in, her logical side taking over.

"Wait…wait Barry" she says, gently pushing at his chest until he lets go.

"What's wrong? Is this all going too fast for you? We don't have to do anything Cait, I'm happy to wait" Barry asks, worried he'd misinterpreted her and pushed her too far.

"No, it's not that" she says as she moves from his grip "What is this? What's going on?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean this" she says, gesturing between them, "The bar, telling that guy you were my boyfriend. Why'd you… I thought you and Iris… I don't want to be the girl you use because you can't have the one you really want" she says, biting her lip.

He shakes his head "No Cait- Look, yeah there was a time where I wanted that future with Iris, but things have changed in the last year, I've changed. So has she, losing Eddie… we're both not the same people anymore. That kind of future just doesn't exist anymore"

"And us?" she asks hesitantly

He smiles "I think it's been a long time coming, but I don't want to waste any more time. I like you Cait, this isn't just a fling or a rebound to me. Once I kiss you I won't be letting you again"

She smiles softly, taking a few steps closer to him until they were almost touching "Well… maybe you should kiss me then"

His smile grows bigger, his hands cupping her face gently as he brings their lips to meet again. What started out as a very sweet, gentle kiss soon escalates. Teeth and tongues clash as roaming hands grip at each other's clothes. Soon they're in her room, Barry is shirtless and Caitlin is trying (but failing) to get out of her dress.

Grinning at Barry, she holds her arms out "A little help please?"

He smirks, he thought she didn't remember most of that night. Last time he flashed her out of her clothes, eyes kept firmly shut as he quickly redressed his drunk friend. This time however, he takes his time, slowly pulling down the zipper on the back on her dress, memorising every bit of skin he discovered.

He pushes the dress down her shoulders, waiting for her to pull her arms free before letting it fall to the floor. Planting a kiss to the back of her neck, he turns her around, eyes taking in the beautiful sight before him.

She pulls him to her, both of them falling onto the bed. Soon, they both lose themselves, breaking apart and coming back together as one, falling asleep on the bed wrapped up in each other.

…..

When Caitlin wakes the next morning it's with a smile on her face and to an empty bed. Her smile quickly drops as she sits up in her bed, wrapping her sheet around her as she looked to see if he left a note or something, tears stinging her eyes. She at least deserved a note.

She's about to burst into tears when her bedroom door swings open, Barry carrying a tray of food as he walks in. The tray is quickly discarded on her desk when he spots the panicked look on her face.

"Hey, hey what's wrong?" he asks, sitting on the bed next to her in just his jeans from the night before.

"I-I thought" she stammers, her eyes moving between him and the tray.

"You thought I left?" he asks, sighing when she nods "I'm sorry, I wanted to make us some breakfast before we had to head into work. Cait, I meant what I said last night, I want this, us"

She nods, smiling before kissing him briefly "So do I, I just panicked when I woke up alone. And you made me breakfast? I didn't know you could cook?"

He scoffs "I am a great cook for your information, at least one of us in this relationship has to be"

"I'll have you know I am a great cook Bartholomew, I actually make a pretty mean lasagne" she says mock hurt

"Well maybe I could come over sometime, try it myself"

She smiles "Yeah, I'd like that."

They eat breakfast together before walking to work separately. Barry has to go grab a change of clothes and shower so Caitlin is left alone to Cisco's barrage of questions when she enters the lab.

Before she can even begin to answer some of the questions Cisco has, Barry arrives, intertwining their hands. That seems to suffice as enough of an answer for Cisco for now, as he squeals before hurrying off to his workbench.

Things were good.


	5. All I Want

In Every Life

Chapter 4: All I Want

(I don't own the flash)

 _Prompt: A bomb goes off at Star Labs, Caitlin is trapped inside_

…

Caitlin woke with groan, coughing loudly as the smell of smoke hit her senses. Looking around, she saw what was left of the inside of Star labs, fire and smoke slowly filling the room. Her head pounds and there's a dull ringing in her ears as she sits up, crying out when the movement sends her side into agony.

She looks down, suddenly noticing all the red covering the side of her shirt, a large piece of metal imbedded in her side. She starts to hyperventilate, noticing all the blood that's surrounding her on the floor and feeling the agonising pain in her side.

Barry was going to kill her if she made it out of his, she thought to herself. Although they had both agreed to not let their personal life interfere with work since entering a relationship, he had definitely become more protective. She had insisted on staying back tonight, telling him that he absolutely had to finish those last few labs on the blood sample of a meta they had recently apprehended, giving him a kiss and telling him not to wait up.

Knowing that soon the blood loss would render her exhausted and weak, she pulled herself out, crying out from the pain of the metal moving in her. Staggering, she used shelves and overturned chair to help her pull herself over to where she knew the first aid kit was. Grabbing it, she collapsed to the floor, panting.

Her medical knowledge told her that her best chance was if she left the metal in, but she could barely move with it in, it twisted every time she moved. She was running out of time and couldn't afford to be slowed down any more than she already was.

She grabs a roll of bandages, shoving it in her mouth and biting down hard as she shakily raised her hand to her side, positioning her hands of either side of the shrapnel. Taking a deep breath, she counted to three before giving a sharp tug, screaming into the makeshift gag as the foreign object was removed from her body.

Grabbing a square bandage, she pulled up her shirt and onto the rapidly bleeding wound, hoping that it would maybe slow the bleeding down until she could get out and to a hospital. Her hands were sticky, stained with her own blood as she tried to keep pressure on the wound. She was starting to become lightheaded, tiny black spots dancing in her vision until she blinked them away. She could taste blood on her tongue, the metallic taste overwhelming her senses as she tried her best to stay conscious.

Pulling herself up again, she held onto the bandage with one had as she staggered to where the exit used to be, the door now blocked with debris from the broken roof. Repressing a cough, she made her way to the fire exit, her legs becoming heavier and heavier the closer she got. She tripped over a piece of debris when she was a couple of metres away, sending her to the floor with a cry.

…

Cisco had been nearby when the explosion went off. He'd been grabbing some takeaway for dinner when it happened, the sound echoing for miles. At first, he thought the city was under attack, expecting to see a skyscraper up in flames. Then he noticed when the smoke was coming from, breaking into a run as he made his way to the place that was like his second home.

Unsurprisingly, Barry was already there, trying to get inside as emergency services worked to put out the fires. He made his way over to him, noticing the panicked look on his face.

"What happened?" he asked, catching the end of Barry's sentence as he argued with Joe.

"You don't understand! I have to get in there!" Barry yelled

"I'm sorry Barry but I can't allow that. Protocol states that no one is allowed to enter until it's deemed safe" Joe tried to explain

"I don't give a damn about protocols Joe, you can't stop me from going in there" he said, fully prepared to shove through as Joe placed a hand on his chest, trying to stop him.

"Woah, hey, what's going on?" Cisco asked, the last thing they needed was a fight.

"I shouldn't have left her, I should have made her come home or waited until she was done. This is all my fault" Barry muttered, wringing his hands in his hair.

"Barry, calm down. Tell me what's going on" Cisco says, trying to calm him down and get some sort of explanation.

"Caitlin's inside" Joe sighed, looking back to the smoking building.

"I need to get to her, I have to save her" Barry said, making another move towards the lab.

Joe stepped in front of him again "No Barry, you can't! You're not wearing your suit, you'd expose yourself to the world!"

"I can't just leave her in there Joe! She could be hurt, she could be _dying_!" Barry yelled, tensing up at just the thought of her not being in the world anymore.

Cisco wasn't going to just stand by and watch as one friend died and took the other with her, placing a hand on Barry's shoulder he lowered his voice "I have a prototype of your new suit at my apartment" he said, shoving his keys into Barry's hand "Hurry"

….

Caitlin struggled to stay awake as she laid propped up against a wall, shivering despite the burning flames in the room. The fall had hurt her ankle, leaving her unable to move, so she sat there, keeping pressure on her side and praying for a miracle.

Her hair clung to her with sweat, despite how cold she felt. She was going into hypovolemic shock, she knew the symptoms well enough to know what was happening, and that she didn't have very much time left.

Her head started to drop, heavy like lead. She could feel her eyes drooping slowly as her breathing started to slow. She was so tired, she just wanted to shut her eyes for a second. Faintly, she thought she could hear someone calling her name but she was too weak to respond, her mouth and throat dry.

When another bang echoed through the lab she cried out, expecting another explosion to occur, this time taking her out. Instead she heard the silky voice she had come to love calling out her name. she opened her eyes to see him slide to the floor next to her, his eyes rapidly running over her, taking in all the blood, god there was so much _blood._

She smiled weakly at him, raising one blood stained hand to touch his cheek "Y-you're here"

"Oh god, oh god! What happened?" he cried out, his hands going to her blood-soaked bandage "I need to get you out of here"

She shakes her head, the movement making her dizzy "I-It's too late"

"No, don't say that. I'm going to get you out of here and you are going to be fine alright? You're going to be fine" he states, pressing harder as if he could push some of the blood back in.

"It…it's okay Barry. I can't even feel it anymore" she pants out "It's okay"

It's his turn to shakes his head now, tears dripping down his face and onto the blood-stained floor below as he takes her into his arms, holding her against his chest "No, no it's not okay. Please Cait, I'll get you to a hospital, please just hold on"

Blood stains her lips and teeth as she smiles at him "C-choosing to work with you was the best decision I ever made" she wheezes, her chest becoming tight "You gave me a f-family…please…tell Cisco that I loved him, tell him he was…the best brother a girl could ask for"

"no please don't Cait, please" he begs, his grip tightening on her as if, if he held her tight enough she couldn't leave him "please don't leave me, not like this, please"

"Don't let this ruin you Barry…you're kind…and good…the best person I know…the world needs you" she breathes

"I need _you_ " he sobs, holding her face with one hand while holding her close with the other

"Barry… I-I love you" she whispers, her voice breaking as a tear leaks out of the corner of her eyes "I love you"

He bows his head for a moment, tears falling rapidly down his face before he looks at her again "I love you too" he murmurs before lightly pressing his lips to her.

He feels her respond to the kiss for moment before she goes limp in his arms. He pulls away "Cait?...Caitlin?" he asks, but she stays silent, her eyes closed, as if she's just sleeping.

"No… No Cait, hey, c'mon look at me" he begs, lightly shaking her "Open your eyes!"

She doesn't respond and he breaks down over her body, sobbing as he cupped her face with both hands "no please…please"

…..

Outside Cisco waits with Joe, watching as firefighters start to break into the lab.

A wail echoes through the air.


	6. Oceans

In Every Life

Chapter 6: Oceans

 _Prompt: Set in the 1800's. Miss Caitlin Snow comes to work for Sir Barry Allen as a maid/kitchen hand after the death of her father._

(I don't own the flash)

….

Caitlin pulled her coat tighter across herself as she walked up the cobblestone path leading up to the big grey house she was about to call home. She had a small suitcase in one hand, carrying all her important possessions, her father's watch, her favourite books and the pearl earrings that once belonged to her grandmother along with her clothes and shoes.

She never had the need to work before, her family wasn't extremely wealthy but they were well off enough that Caitlin was able to be educated, never had to worry about food or clothes. That all changed when her father died a month ago. Her mother had proposed they said looking for a 'suitable husband' but Caitlin had no wish to marry just yet. So, her mother went to live with her aunt's family and Caitlin went looking for work.

And so, when she was told of the job by one of her friends, she knew this was her chance. The Allen residence was a good distance away, farther than anywhere she had ever been before. It stood high up in the hills, magnificent clifftops where she could imagine sitting and reading by only a few minutes' walk away.

The house, although not immensely large was grand. Made of white brick with beautiful high-arched windows and metal trim, the three-story house stood tall amongst the freshly cut grass. There were no flowers, only a few marble statues adorning the lawn and a large willow tree beside the lake behind the house in the garden.

Tentatively, she raised a hand to knock on the door, taking a deep breath to calm herself before rapping her knuckles against the wood three times. An older woman answered the door, smiling as she ushered her in.

"You must be Miss Caitlin, I'm Felicity, I'm one of the other maids here. We've been expecting you"

Caitlin was not a materialistic woman, but even she marvelled at the décor of the room as her eyes took it on. A large chandelier hung above the room, sending light in all directions from the gleam on the sun shining in through the window above the door. Huge paintings hung above the two large staircases winding to the ground before her, a door on either side and one in front.

"Upstairs is the master's bedroom, guest rooms if he should have anyone over, 3 bathrooms and the study. The top floor is private, he doesn't like anyone to go up there. Down here is the kitchen, the dining room, the library and laundry. I'll show you where we keep everything in a minute. Our quarters are back here" Felicity says as she leads them quickly through the house, showing her quickly to a reasonably sized room, 5 small beds inside.

"The men's quarters are on the other side of the building, there's a few more girls here, Miss Linda, Miss Patty and the cook, Miss Kara you'll meet her soon enough. You can lay your bag down here" Felicity says, showing her which bed will be hers.

Caitlin quickly sets down her bag, taking off her coat and laying it across it.

"C'mon, I better start showing you the ropes" Felicity says, again tugging her out of the room and into the kitchen "we have a cook, but every Sunday she has off so you'll need to learn how to cook. Every morning we get up at 4, there's chickens' outback, when you get up you'll need to check if they have any eggs"

Caitlin nods, trying not to look flustered by all the new information she's taking in. She's interrupted from her thoughts by a man walking into the kitchen, a book in his hand.

"Mr Ramon shall be coming over for supper Kara, perhaps a nice stew?' he says to the cook, who quickly blushes and gets to work.

He's still reading his book when he walks to Felicity "make sure you hide the pudding this time Felicity, we all know how Cisco has a sweet tooth"

"Yes sir, another book you're reading?" Felicity enquires, waiting for him to notice the third party standing quietly beside her.

"Yes, _The Hunchback of Notre-Dame,_ wonderful book. Quite sad though" he remarks, his eyes fixated on the page he was currently reading.

"It's one of my favourites" Caitlin admits, her voice bringing his eyes up as he glances at her in surprise.

"…You've read it?" he asks

She nods "Yes, not my personal favourite but definitely in the top five"

"B-but you're a woman" he stammers

She frowns "You make it sound like I've got half a brain or something"

He flushes, closing the book and setting it on the bench "I-I didn't mean it like that... my apologies if I offended you Miss…?"

"Miss Caitlin Snow, she's going to be working here" Felicity answers, inwardly enjoying watching her boss squirm at the thought of offending the young woman beside her.

"Miss Caitlin, I just, haven't met a woman who actually enjoys reading a good book. The women I know just like to sew and go down to the dressmakers. Again, if I offended you, I apologise"

She smiles, shaking her head "That's quite alright, most men are puzzled by the idea of a woman reading something other than a cookbook"

Felicity bursts out laughing, drawing the eyes of both Barry and Caitlin. Holding back a smile she gently starts to push Caitlin forward again "Well I better show her around the house, get her started on cleaning" she says, pushing Caitlin forward before Barry can protest.

Barry watches as the giggling maid moves the other one forward, completely baffled by what had just happened. Who was this woman?

…

As the weeks passed Caitlin quickly settled into her new routine. Every morning she'd get up with the rise of the sun and get to work. Throughout the day she'd wash clothes, scrubs floors, dust shelves and clean dishes. Felicity would help Barry with his business work, making sure he didn't lose any important papers or miss meetings and Kara would travel to the nearest village to buy the provisions for the week before coming back and preparing the food with Caitlin's help.

Barry's wealth came from his family, both his parents dies when he was younger, leaving their fortune to him. Along with the mine Barry's father had owned. Along with the miners he also employed men from the local villages to fish, only taking a small profit from what they caught.

As Caitlin was dusting the library one day she couldn't help but look over the vast variety of books on display, running her fingers along the spines. She stopped when she reached a copy of _The Little Mermaid,_ her breath hitching as she slid the book from the case.

She ran her fingertips over the cover, tracing around the image of a mermaid reaching towards the surface.

"I didn't take you as a fairy-tale type" A voice spoke from behind her, causing her to turn quickly, dropping the book in shock.

"I-I'm sorry sir, I was dusting and I got distracted... It won't happen again" she stammers, quickly bending down to reach for the book but he beats her to it.

He picks it up, turning the book over in his hands "It's alright, I have no problem with someone having a healthy appetite for reading. Why this book though?"

She looks down, biting into her lip "My father used to read it to me when I was a child" she admits

"What does your father do?"

"He was a chemist, he died a few months ago"

"Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that" he says, looking down at the book "Here" he hands to book out to her

She shakes her head "No, sir. I can't accept that"

"Please" he says, gesturing towards her with the book again "As a way of making up for my thoughtless comments when we first met"

Hesitantly, she takes the book into her hands, blushing furiously "Thankyou sir"

Felicity's voice rings out throughout the house "Caitlin? I need you in the kitchen!", Caitlin turns towards the door "I should go" she says "thank-you for the book sir"

He nods, watching her curiously as she leaves the room.

….

"You should see the way he stares at you, it's as if he's never met a woman before!" Felicity giggled as they helped Kara prepare the food for the dinner party that was being held later that night

"Shhhh!" Caitlin whispered, looking around in case someone had heard "You mustn't say things like that Felicity"

"Well it's true! Don't think I haven't seen the way you hold that book he gave you"

"That was over a month ago!"

"And last week, when he took you out in the carriage"

"To go get the things from the market, and he only took me because you said you didn't want to go!" Caitlin bursts out, before remembering where she was and lowering her voice "there's nothing going on between us. There never will be, people like him, they don't marry people like me. That's just how the world works. I'm going to go and polish the cutlery" she says, rushing out of the room.

…..

By the end of the dinner Caitlin's head was pounding. It was the 3-month anniversary of her father's death today and she had barely slept, nightmares plaguing her. And after the outburst with Felicity, all she wanted to do was go lie down and have a good cry. She quietly took the dishes back to be washed, tearing her eyes away from where Barry was laughing at something his friend Lady Iris had said.

Felicity had explained the West's family history a few days prior, Iris and Wally's father, Joseph West, had been friends with Barry's fathers before he passed a few years back. After his father's death Barry would spend a couple of days a week over at the west residence, Joseph taking him in like he was his own.

Caitlin dumped the dishes into the hot water, ignoring the way it burned her palms as she started scrubbing. She didn't even notice how long she'd been there until a knock broke her from her trance. Wiping the tears, she didn't realise had been slipping out away, she turned to find Barry standing there.

"Is there something you need sir?"

"No, no I'm fine. The party is over now, I didn't realise you were still up. It's closer to sunrise than sunset now" he says coming into the kitchen fully "Your hands" he gasps, taking her hands in his own "You practically scrubbed the skin off"

She pulls them away quickly, ignoring the way her palms had tingled from his touch "It's fine sir"

He studies her face for a moment, noticing her red eyes and the paleness of her cheeks "Is everything alright?"

She sniffs, wiping her face again with her hands "Yes, everything's fine. I…I'm just missing my father"

He sighed in understanding "I lost own my father a few years ago, I can't imagine how difficult it must be to grieve when you're so far from home. Do you and your mother write often?"

She inwardly winced, her mother and her never had a great relationship, her moving away was the final nail in the coffin. She'd written to her a handful of times in the few months she had been at the Allen household but had yet to receive a single reply "My mother, grief has hit her hard. Me moving away was difficult for her"

"You could always go back home, if you wished to"

She frowns, "Sir? Have I done something?"

"What? No, I just meant th- "

"I can work harder, I swear"

"Caitlin, your work is more than satisfactory"

"Then why are you trying to send me away?" she asked, confused as to what she could have done wrong.

"I'm not trying to send you away, I'm simply saying that if you felt that your family needed you more, if you missed your home too much… You could go, I would understand" he explains, watching the panic slowly fade from her face

"This is my home sir, I belong here" she says, trying to decipher the look he was giving her.

He smiled "Well, I'm happy to hear it. C'mon, it's late, you've done enough for tonight" he says, gesturing towards the door.

She blushes but hesitantly moves forward, she was feeling exhausted. They say goodnight outside before each going to their rooms, Caitlin falling asleep with a smile as she remembered the way his hands fit over hers.

…

Barry stared at the dark grey clouds looming over the house with a frown, rain pouring heavily against the windows. A large storm was brewing, there was no doubt about it. He sighed, putting down his book, he had been expecting Iris and Wally today, he hadn't seen them in over a month, since the party he held. The storm pretty much put a stop to those plans.

He got up, leaving his library and made his way to the kitchen, his ears picking up the hushed whispers between Felicity and Kara.

"What if she's lost? Or is stuck somewhere?" Kara whispered in an anxious tone

"She's smart, she'll know to stay put if it gets too bad out there" Felicity muttered back

"I don't like this Felicity, No one should be out in a storm like this"

Barry stepped into the room, effectively ceasing their conversation "Hello ladies, how are you today?"

The girls look nervously at each other before Felicity speaks up "We're fine sir, rather dreadful out there isn't it?"

"It is indeed" he says looking around the kitchen for the person he'd been thinking about non-stop "Where's Miss Caitlin?"

Kara pales and starts to wring her hands while Felicity sighs and hesitantly speaks "She's… out, sir"

"Out? What do you mean? Surely, she's not out in that" he says, gesturing to the kitchen window where they could clearly see the wind and rain raging.

"S-She went to get the things from the market" Felicity says, uncharacteristically quiet

His stomach drops, heavy as lead and all he can do is look out the window again in utter panic "And you let her? You let her go out in that?"

"We tried stopping her sir, she said something about getting something for tonight. She wouldn't listen" Kara says, close to tears

"Oh god… I'll go out in the carriage, see if I can find her. Boil some water and get the clean towels out just in case" he instructs them, turning to leave in a rush.

…..

She should've listened to them, ' _stupid, stupid girl'_ she cursed herself as she shakily stumbled along the path back to the house. She hadn't even gotten all the way to town before the storm got so bad she had to turn back. Shivers wracked her body as she tried to pull her coat around her tighter, it was no use, she was soaked to the bone.

As she kept walking she could feel herself getting weaker every second, eventually having to stop, huddling by a bridge as she tried to regain some strength. She closed her eyes, a cough pushing its way out of her throat as the wind and rain whipped at her face. She'd never been this cold in her life, it felt as if her fingers were made of glass, going to shatter into pieces any second.

Her lungs were burning, every breath short and raspy as she leaned against the cold stones of the bridge behind her. She thought she could hear the sound of horses approaching by she was too weak to open her eyes to check, instead choosing to burrow her face into her coat.

Footsteps raced over to her and then there were warm hands upon her face, pulling her out of her haze. His panicked green eyes swam in front of hers, his mouth moving quickly but she couldn't make out what he was saying. She was vaguely aware of him picking her up, letting her head rest heavily against him and before she knew it they were in the carriage, racing home.

He carried her inside, shouting orders to the other servants. As they made their way inside she caught a glimpse of Iris West's concerned face before succumbing to unconsciousness.

…

"Harrison, send for the doctor, quickly! Felicity, go run a bath, get her some warm clothes. I'll take her up to the guest room" Barry shouted as he carried Caitlin inside, his insides panicking at the violent way she was shaking against him.

"Barry! What on earth happened?" Iris exclaimed as she helped him upstairs

"She was caught outside in the storm, I found her almost unconscious by the bridge" he says as he rushes into the guest room "Quick, grab those blankets" he says, gesturing to the ones folded by the bed.

He laid Caitlin down, anxious by the way she didn't respond. He laid his hand against her cheek "God, she's as cold as ice"

Felicity rushed in, dry clothes in her hands "Kara's bringing up some hot water now. She needs to get out of those wet clothes before she gets sick" she says, with a pointed look at Barry

Barry quickly gets the message, excusing himself. Iris follows him out, sitting with him as they wait. Eventually the doctor arrives, quickly entering the room and leaving not even an hour later.

"She's developed a fever and I'm worried there may be an infection developing in her chest" the doctor explains, fetching a few bottles from his medical bag "she needs to rest and be kept warm if she'd going to get better. These should help with the fever and infection. If she gets any worse, send for me"

Barry nods, shaking the doctors hand "Thank you doctor, I'll make sure she rests"

The doctor takes his cue to leave, leaving Iris and Barry standing awkwardly in the hallway "I-uh… I better go see how she's doing"

Iris nods "We can catch up another time"

Barry smiles, internally thanking god for such an understanding friend. He says his goodbyes before making his way into the guest room. The fire is lit and Felicity is sitting by the bed, dabbing Caitlin's head with a wet cloth. He watches as she stifles a yawn and moves towards the bed.

"Go have a rest Felicity, I'll look after her" he says, taking the cloth from her hand

Felicity nods in thanks before leaving for a rest, leaving them alone again. He takes one of Caitlin's hands, noticing how clammy it felt instead of the soft warm way it had felt the last time he had touched it.

She's extremely pale, aside from the bright red cheeks the fever had given her. He can practically feel the heat radiating from her body. This wasn't good, he knew that. His own mother had been taken by a fever when he was just a child. He knew just how bad things could go.

He watched as she twitched in the bed, her body shivering violently as she half opened her eyes.

"Caitlin? Can you hear me?" he asks gently, brushing some of the damp hair back from her forehead

"I-I want my dad… please, I just want my father" she mumbled, her head lolling on the pillow as her eyes went in and out of focus.

"It's alright Caitlin, shhhh. You're home now" he said comfortingly, squeezing her hand

"No, I-I can't… I want my father... please" she wept, tears leaking from her confused eyes as she tried to sit up.

"Okay Caitlin, I'll have someone get him for you, but I need you to lie down okay. You're not well" he said, hoping that she would not remember this in the morning.

"Hm... ok… ok" she mumbled, collapsing back against the pillows "Wi-will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

He managed to hide his shock, heat rising in his cheeks "...Of course, whatever you want" he says, clasping his other hand over the hand he was already holding "Goodnight Caitlin"

She mumbles something unintelligible as her eyes close shut, her hand already falling limp in his and he can't help but smile at how peaceful she looks when she's asleep.

….

It takes three days for her to sweat out the fever, going in and out of consciousness from time to time. On the fourth day, her temperature drops to a normal temperature and she opens her eyes heavily for the first proper time. She still feels weak, and the room is slightly spinning but her head finally feels clear and not full of cotton wool.

She looks around the room and notices Felicity bustling by the dresser, the clinking of cups and spoons lightly echoing throughout the room. She weakly calls out to her friend, finding her throat rather sore and dry "Felicity?"

With a gasp Felicity turns, almost dropping the cup of tea she was preparing for Caitlin "Oh, you're awake! Finally!" she says, turning and grabbing the tray before bringing it over to the bed "You gave us all quite a scare Caitlin Snow, no more venturing out in storms for you"

Caitlin gives her a small smile and tries to sit up in the bed but finds that her limbs are quite heavy also, it's then that she realises she's not in the servants' quarters and she is most definitely not in her bed "Where am I?"

"One of the guest rooms, Mr Allen carried you in from the carriage. It was all rather dashing actually" Felicity says with a smile, helping her friend sip at the tea she had made. She can't help but laugh at the grimace Caitlin makes as soon as the liquid touches her tongue

"What is that?!" she gasps, gagging and coughing from the taste.

"It's your medicine, you didn't seem to mind taking it before"

"I was barely conscious before! I don't remember any of it"

There was a knock at the door, Barry stepping into the room "I just came to see how she was doing"

"You can ask her yourself" Felicity says, moving so that he could see Caitlin on the bed

"Oh, you're awake. T-that's good, very good… you had us scared for a minute there" Barry says, awkwardly stumbling over his words

"Sir, would you mind sitting with her for a minute? I want to get something for her to eat" Felicity asks, standing up off the bed "Just make sure she finishes her tea"

"Oh, uh... sure" he says, moving over so he could take her place by the bed.

Felicity gives her an encouraging smile before leaving the room.

"How are you feeling?" Barry asks, after a moment of silence

"A little tired and my head hurts but I'll be up on my feet in no time and back to work. I swear" she says, worried that he was mad at being one staff down.

"What? No, please don't rush. I just want you to get well, work can wait"

She smiles at him weakly "Thankyou sir, you've always been most kind to me… and thankyou… for saving me"

"No thanks needed Caitlin, I wasn't going to leave you out there" he says, remembering how weak she been when he had first found her "Just promise me you won't go out unsupervised in a storm like that again, or at all for that matter"

She nods "You have my word"

"Good, now, how about you finish the rest of that tea?"

He laughs at the face she makes "C'mon, surely it can't be that bad"

"Maybe you should try it then" she suggests jokingly

He glances at the cup, and then shrugs and brings it to his lips, taking a small mouthful. A second later he gags and almost sprays it all over the bed linen "Oh god, that's awful! You poor woman, how can they expect you to get better when you drinking stuff like that"

She laughs, the first bit of colour coming back to her face in days and it's then he realises two things. One, he had never heard her laugh before. Two, he'd do whatever it took to hear it again, every day for as long as she'd let him.

Before he can stop himself, he presses his lips to hers, cupping the bottom of her chin with her hand. It takes a moment before she responds, gently placing one hand on his shoulder to steady herself. Footsteps leading up to the door interrupts them and they quickly separate, Caitlin staring up at him wide eyed and confused.

As soon as Felicity enters the room, Barry rushes out, muttering something about work needing to be done. Felicity sets down the tray of food by the bed "What's gotten into him?"

Caitlin stares after the door "I haven't the slightest idea"

…

For two weeks they avoid each other, only crossing each other's path when needed and it tears at Caitlin's heart. She curses herself for getting into this situation, knowing that it could never go anywhere. She keeps herself busy with the housework, finding it an easy distraction. That is until the day Barry invites some friends over for afternoon tea.

She brings out another tray of cakes for Barry, Iris, Joe, Wally and Cisco, keeping her gaze firmly planted on the floor. When Felicity asks her to go and fetch some more plates she's thankful to step out the room, even if just for a moment. Barry and Iris had been especially close all afternoon and she wasn't sure how much more she could take.

She grabs the plates and make her way back to the dining area, just as Barry starts to speak

"I'm sure that you're wondering why I called you all here today, I have an announcement to make" he pauses, not spotting Caitlin just entering the room "I have asked Iris for her hand in marriage, and she accepted"

The sound of plates crashing to the floor stops everyone before they can congratulate the couple, their eyes fixed on the maid whose feet stood among the shattered porcelain.

"I-I'm sorry, I must still be recovering… I'll go get something to clean this up" Caitlin says, quickly rushing out of the room before Barry could see the look on her face. She quickly tells Linda of the mess in the dining room, the other woman taking one look at the distraught expression on her face before telling her to go and get some fresh air.

Caitlin gratefully takes her advice, rushing out the back door and into the garden, not stopping until she reached the willow tree. Her chest feels like it's about the explode, yet she cannot expel any air, only taking more in in small gulps. Finally, the first sob breaks out and she breaks down, wrapping her arms around her middle as she weeps.

…..

As always, Barry is the one to find her, coming out after an hour. He doesn't stand to close to her, keeping his eyes away from her face, knowing the heartbreak he'd find there.

"Cait-Miss Snow, are you alright?" he asks, watching as she quickly wipes her eyes. Damn, he'd made her cry.

"I'm quite alright sir. I should be getting back inside" she says, no emotion in her voice "Congratulations sir, I'm sure you two will be very happy"

"Caitlin, please. I just want to talk to you" he says as she sidesteps him

"We are talking sir"

"I want to explain"

"Why? Nothing happened" she says as she continues to walk back towards the house

"That's not true! I know you felt what I felt"

She stops, her feet frozen to the ground, after a moment she speaks "Do you love her?" she asks, her voice barely more than a whisper

"Not like I feel about you"

She whimpers, her back shuddering with withheld sobs "Please don't say that"

He moves closer, his hand just brushing the back of hers "Why not?"

"Because you're breaking my heart" she whispers "I have to go"

He lets her go, watching as she rushes back to the house. He's ruined everything now.

….

Caitlin works into the dead of the night and then some, taking out some of her pain on the stubborn spots that just won't come out of the linens. When she enters the servants' quarters she silently pulls out the suitcase she had brought with her, quietly packing her things before writing two letters. She sets the first one on her bed, and the first nest to Felicity, along with the copy of The Little Mermaid. She knew Felicity would give it to him.

Quietly she makes her way out of the house, silently tears streaming her face as she leaves the place that's become her home.

…

"What do you mean she's gone?" Barry's voice echoed through the study.

"She left a note, saying her mother had written and needed her home sir. She must have gone in the middle of the night" Felicity explains, eyes slightly red "She... she left me something, it's addressed to you" she says handing him a folded piece of paper, his name emblazoned on the front with cursive.

As he pulls it open she sets something down on the desk beside him "she left that for you too" she says before quietly leaving.

 _Dear Barry._

 _I am sorry for how I left things with you in the garden yesterday, it was rude and improper. I was foolish to think that you and I could ever be anything more, people like me, we don't belong in your world. You deserve someone of your standing, someone kind and good, who can help steer you onto the right path. I hope Iris will be this for you._

 _Please don't come looking for me, I have made up my mind and I realise that I can't work for you, not anymore. I can't watch you get married and be a servant to your children, it would not be fair to your wife and it would not be fair to me._

 _You were a good, fair master and I will never forget the kindness you showed me. Or the way you reopened my heart to love._

 _Be happy Barry._

 _Caitlin._

He looked to the side of his desk to see what Caitlin had left behind for him. With trembling hands, he picks the book up, reading the title over and over until the tears in his eyes make it too blurry for him to see. With a sob he drops the book to the table, crying into his hands.

She was never coming back.

…..

Caitlin soon found another job as a seamstress and washerwoman nearby her aunt's home, where she was currently staying with her mother.

She'd sent Felicity her address and they wrote to each other every few weeks, Caitlin telling her about her new job and Felicity keeping her updated on how things were back at the Allen residence She never brought up the impending nuptials, to Caitlin's request and often wrote giddily about the young soldier she'd been seeing called Oliver.

Two months, 2 weeks and 3 days after she left the Allen residence, there was a knock at the door. It was almost 4 in the afternoon and they weren't expecting anyone, so Caitlin was baffled to as who could be at the door.

When she opened the door, it was like everything came rushing back to her and she found she was finding it hard to breathe.

"Bar-Mr Allen?" she stammered, quickly correcting herself "What are you doing here?"

"I have to speak with you" he says, "Please Caitlin"

She hesitates for a moment before nodding. Exiting the house, she leads him to the garden, sitting on one of the benches "Mr Allen, I already told you. I'm not coming back, there's nothing you can say to change my mi-"

"I called off the engagement" he says, cutting her off and shocking her into silence.

After a few moments to compose herself, she speaks "Why?"

He sighs, sitting down beside her "The engagement, it was never about love. It was all about business, I want to work with Joe and he's always wanted us to get married. I think part of it's because he doesn't like the man Iris is in love with"

Caitlin frowns, she thought that Iris was in love with Barry? Barry would've laughed at Caitlin's confused expression if this situation wasn't so complicated "His name is Eddie, he works with Joe. He's also about ten years older than Iris"

Caitlin smiles slightly, now she understood "What happened?"

"She told me she loves him and I told her I love you. Wasn't much of a discussion after that" he says, meeting her eyes "I never thought I had a choice before Caitlin, Joe's been there for me since I was a child"

"You don't have to explain to me Barry, I never expected you to choose me"

"But that's the thing. All this time I thought I had no choice in the matter but the second I was given one I realised, there was no choice, because it was always you" he says, gently placing his hand over hers

"Barry…"

"It's always been you, ever since I saw you for the first time in my kitchen and you told me off"

She doesn't know whether to laugh or cry and instead does both, every emotion she'd been pushing back for the last two months hitting her all at once. She watches with teary eyes as he moves on kneel in front of her, holding her left hand in this.

"What are you doing?"

"I thought it was pretty obvious my love"

"B-But you just got out of an engagement! And I used to be your maid, what are people going to think?"

He shakes his head "I don't care, I love you and I want to marry you."

"You do?" she asks, as fresh tears make their way down her cheeks

"Yes" he says, pulling a box out of his pocket and opening it up to her "I want you by my side, every day for as long as we both shall live. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with you Caitlin Snow. So, will you do me the tremendous honour and become my wife?"

She breaks out into a smile, nodding vigorously "Yes, yes, a hundred times yes!"

He happily slides the ring onto her finger before picking her up and swinging her around, delighting in the little shrieks she made, before passionately crashing his mouth to hers, not giving a damn about propriety.

….

(A little over a month later)

The church bells rang loudly as the newly married couple made their way out, grinning madly as the guests showered rice over them. The bride's arm was looped through her new husbands, her white gown contrasting against the dark blue of his suit. They waved joyfully to their friends as they boarded the carriage to their home, where the reception would be held.

As the carriage pulled away, Barry couldn't help but kiss his wife again, it'd been minutes since their last and he didn't want to waste any more time. Rubbing his thumb over the new ring that adorned her left hand he gazed into his bride's eyes.

He didn't think he could be more content than he was right now, looking at the woman he was going to spend the rest of his life with "Are you happy?" he asks, delighting in the grin she gives him.

"The happiest"

Yes, he definitely couldn't be happier.

….


	7. Home

In Every Life

Chapter 7

Home

 _A follow up to chapter on 'Falling Around You'_

… _.._

It had been well over a year since the last time Caitlin set foot in Central City. Suitcases in hand, she exited the airport and took in a deep breath before hailing a cab. She hadn't told anyone she was moving back, lest they tell Barry. Her heart ached at the way she had left things with her best friend. She still felt butterflies when she had thought of the way he kissed her, before guilt and pain washed over her.

They were probably already married, she thought to herself as she headed to her new apartment. Given the way Barry didn't like to wait, she guessed they were either already married or very close to being so. If it were the latter, she was glad she didn't tell anyone about her return, she didn't think she could stand hearing about their wedding.

She spent her first few days quietly, unpacking her things and preparing her first day back at the hospital. It took three days until she ran into someone after stepping out to grab some groceries, she was standing in the aisle, picking out some pasta when she felt a hand grab her shoulder and turn her around.

"Caitlin? No freaking way! You're Back!" Cisco shouted, quickly hugging her. When he pulled away he started firing off questions "When did you get back? Why didn't you tell me? Are you staying for good? Have you seen Bar-"

She cut him off "I've been back a few days Cisco, I thought it would be best if I kept it quiet, especially after how I left things. And yes, I'm back for good" she answered, hoping that her news would distract him from the fact that she didn't answer his last question.

He smiled, practically bouncing from excitement "This is great! Where are you living now? We should have a housewarming party!"

The smile dropped from her face, shaking her head she told him "No, no parties Cisco. I just said I wanted to keep things quiet"

He pouted but let her have her way, "Fine, but you're coming over to mine for dinner tomorrow night. I've missed my best-friend"

She nods "That would be great. 7?"

"7 it is, I'll figure out something acceptable to eat that I won't burn"

She laughs "I'll bring the wine"

"Okay, well I've got to go figure out dinner. I'll see you tomorrow?" he says, slowly starting to move down the aisle

She nods, and gives him a wave before watching him disappear from her sight. She picks out a box of pasta and heads to the checkout. After buying what she needs she heads home, only realising with when she got through the front door that she never told Cisco not to tell Barry she was back.

….

Cisco hummed happily to himself as he put as his things from the shop, his best friend was back. After a year of skype calls and texts, she was finally back. He was busy fixing himself dinner when the phone vibrated on the bench next to him, Caitlin was calling.

He answered it with a frown "I know you missed me but we literally saw each other an hour ago"

"Cisco, I need you to promise me something"

"No hello? What's going on Cait?" he asked, hearing her wince at the affectionate nickname Barry called her.

"You can't tell Barry I'm back"

"What? No, No I'm not going to lie to one of my best friends"

"You won't have to lie Cisco, he has no reason to suspect my return"

"Central city isn't that big of a place, sooner or later you will run into each other. Or Iris"

"Which is exactly why you can't tell him. I know they're probably married already, I don't want to cause problems between them"

"Caitlin, you've got it all wrong" he tried to reason with her

"I don't care if that's what you think, please Cisco, I need you to promise me this" she begged

"I won't tell him you're back"

"Thankyou" She breathed in relief

"but if he asks, I'm not going to lie"

"He won't ask, not when he has Iris. He made it pretty clear that he thought that kiss was a mistake"

Cisco wants to argue with her, he wants to tell her about how much Barry's changed since she left, how miserable he's been. But instead he bites his tongue, saying his goodbyes before hanging up.

…

The next day after work, Cisco head to the shops to figure out dinner. As he browses the aisles he inwardly curses himself, why didn't just say they'd get takeout? He's browsing spaghetti sauce when he hears someone calling out his name. Why did he keep running into people at this shop?

He turns and sees Barry walking up to him, a basket of his own on his arm.

"Hey man"

"Hey Barry, how're you?" he responds with a smile.

"Good, just grabbing some things. We need to catch up man, we haven't had a guy's night in ages" he says looking down at his basket "You busy tonight?"

"Uh yeah actually, got some company over for dinner"

Barry smirks "You got a date? Good for you man? Is it that Lisa girl you mentioned a few weeks back?"

"Um… no, and it's not a date" Cisco says awkwardly

"You're cooking for her Cisco, sounds like a date" he says, watching with a frown as Cisco nervously fidgets "Is something wrong man? I know dates can be nerve wracking but you're a great guy th-"

"It's Caitlin" Cisco blurts out before he can stop himself.

Barry's frown furrows deeper, a puzzled look in his eyes "What?"

"I- uh… it's not a date… she's back. Caitlin's back" he says, stammering

Barry tenses, all expression wiped from his face "W-when?"

"I'm not sure, I only found out yesterday. Barry, I know you're confused but you have to do this carefully. She thinks you and Iris are engaged" Cisco says, noting the way he flinches.

Barry wordlessly places his basket on the floor before rushing off, leaving Cisco standing there, wondering what he had just done.

….

Caitlin adds the finishing touches to her makeup, the dark blue dress flowing to just above her knees as she stands barefoot in her bathroom. As she applies one last layer of mascara there's a knock at her front door. Confused, she puts the makeup down and goes to answer it, wondering who it could possibly be since she hadn't told anyone her new address yet.

Nothing could have prepared her for the shock that awaited her on the other side of the door.

"No, please no, not again. I can't do this again" she breaks down in sibs, covering her eyes with her hands "Why do I keep seeing him?"

Barry steps inside the apartment "Cait?"

"He's not really there, in a few seconds I'm going to wake up again" she mutters, not moving her hands "This isn't real"

He steps forward, placing his hands over hers "Cait, it's really me. I'm really here. You're not dreaming, I promise"

She tenses, moving her hands away "Y-You never touch me in my dreams, I always wake before you can" she whispers, staring at him tearfully "Barry?"

He smiles, nodding "Yeah, it's me Caitlin"

She smiles, before throwing her arms around his neck, laughing into his neck "Oh god, it's really you. You're really here. I've missed you so much"

He chuckles, winding his arms around her waist and keeping her tight against him "I've missed you too"'

She pulls away, happy tears now shining her eyes "H-How did you find me, I've only been back a few days"

"Cisco told me you were back, so I searched up every address under the name snow in the city. You're lucky number 3" he explains, using one hand to wipes away any stray tears

"You've been looking throughout the whole city for me? Why?""

"Because I never should have let you go, not seeing you for a year was hell. I didn't want to waste any more time"

"B-But Iris?"

He shakes his head "We broke up shortly after you left. She'd happier now, dating someone from the force"

"But I thought, you said you were going to propose.." she's confused, this was not how she expected her day to go when she woke up this morning.

"I only thought about it because I thought that was what I was supposed to do, I know it's what Joe wanted. But I realised I wanted more than that, I wanted to be with someone who made my heart race, who made me smile just from thinking about. And I realised, I already had that" he says, moving closer so that they were only centimetres apart

She becomes downcast, of course he had found someone else. Just because it wasn't Iris, doesn't mean they weren't plenty of other girls out there "Well I hope she makes you happy" she says, making a move to put some space between them.

He stops her grabbing her elbow "Not really, since this is the first time I've seen her in a year"

She freezes, suddenly all too aware of how close he was and how good he smelt "What?'

He smiles "It's you Cait, I may have taken longer to realise it, but it's always been you. When you left, it was agony, like a part of me was missing. It never got better no matter how many months passed. And right now, you're making my heart beat like crazy and all I can think bout is kissing you. I'm in love with you, and if you can forgive me for before, if you still want me, I'm yours"

She responds by smiling and grabbing his face in her hands, pulling him down swiftly to meet her lips. His hands go back to their previous position on her waist, pulling her tighter. They stumble backwards against the wall of her living room; roaming hands untucking clothes as feverish kisses were exchanged.

"Maybe we should slow down" he mumbles against the skin of her neck, his hands saying something else entirely

"we've waited long enough, I'm still not 100 percent convinced you're really here" she says, pulling at his shirt "I think I might need more proof"

"Well if you insist" he says with a grin, letting her lead them back to her bedroom.

…

Caitlin wakes first, and spend the first few minutes of her day staring at the man in her bed. Even after everything that happened last night, she still couldn't fully get it into her head that he was really there, and that he loved her.

"You're staring at me" Barry's sleepy voice groans as he stretches out in the bed, lazily wrapping an arm against her waist.

"Just checking you're still real" she says, smiling when he moves up to kiss her softly

"I thought I proved that last night, three times actually" he says with a smug grin

"I just feel like I'm dreaming, like this is too good to be true" she confesses, sitting up in the bed "I've wanted this for so long"

He grins, sitting up beside her "I have too, I missed you so bad this last year"

"Then why did you never come visit? Or call?"

He sighs heavily "I thought you might not want to see me, you were trying to move on with your life. I didn't want to screw that up"

"Star City was great, and the hospital was amazing. But the whole time I was there it was like part of me was missing, I couldn't connect with anyone there because I'd left part of me back here"

He grabs her hand, bringing it to his lips "You're home now, and I don't plan on ever letting you go again"

"Home" she says with a smile "I like the sound of that"

…


	8. To Build a Home

In Every Life

(I don't own the flash)

Chapter 8: To Build A Home

 _Set before season 3 but no flashpoint, so Caitlin's powers manifest naturally._

 _Upon discovering her powers, Caitlin distances herself from the team._

 _ **Oh my god it's been so long since I updated! I recently got a new job but I've been doing crazy hours and had health issues on top of that, not to mention major writers block! Anyway, hopefully I can update soon, please feel free to leave prompts and/or song suggestions in the reviews. Enjoy!**_

… _._

There was no trigger, no warning. One day she was fine, everything was normal and then it started. It was small at first. Sometimes the temperature would drop when she was particularly stressed or anxious and she could no longer have any hot drinks, chilling them the second her hand touch the cup. Then she started growing white hairs, frantically plucking them out each time a new one appeared.

Then she woke up to a snowstorm in her room, her poor fish tank frozen solid and icicles embedded in the walls. It was then that she knew there was nothing she could do to stop this from happening, she was slowly turning into Killer Frost.

She decided then and there not to tell anyone of her condition, for fear she would hurt them or that they would become afraid of her. She began to pull away from them, rejecting offers to go out and spending every waking minute she could at the lab to try and find news ways of managing her… symptoms. She knew eventually she'd have to leave, she couldn't keep putting them in danger. Better she went off the grid and stopped this before she ended up hurting someone.

She doubted anyone would come looking for her anyway, they might be shocked and confused at first but they'd move on. There was always another doctor. And despite the growing feeling she had developed for the speedster, she had no doubt he'd move on, probably with Iris, as he was meant to.

They had pestered her at first to tell them what was wrong, sensing that she was pulling away but she just avoided the question, changing the subject to something work related. Eventually they stopped, giving her the space she so desperately wanted.

She barely slept now, her dreams twisted into nightmares of her attacking her friends, watching the life disappear from their eyes as she turned them into living ice-sculptures. She lost weight too, the anxiety eating at her stomach and leaving her feeling constantly nauseous.

Barry approached her desk as she filed away some more paperwork "Hey, Cisco and Wally were thinking about going to get a couple drinks, you wanna come with?"

She doesn't even look up from her paperwork, shaking her head as she filed some more away "Sorry, not tonight. You guys have fun though"

Barry sighs, still not moving from her desk "Cait, is everything okay?"

Caitlin glances up at him, forcing a small smile "everything's fine Barry, I just have things I need to do"

Still, he hesitates to move "Are you sure? You know, if there's something wrong you can talk to one of us"

"I said everything's fine, now if you would excuse me, I have things I need to do" She snaps, turning back to her work.

She hears him sigh before walking away and only then does she allow herself to heave a sigh of frustration. This was not how she thought her life would go.

…..

Her powers only continue to grow over the next couple of weeks, she eventually has to steal some meta-cancelling bracelets Cisco made just to keep it under control. But as she grows stronger, the bracelets start becoming more and more ineffective and she's terrified that she's just one slip up away from hurting someone.

She could hear this voice inside her head, telling her to embrace the powers, telling how much easier it would be if she just gave in. It was becoming harder and harder to fight that voice off, to keep fighter this battle every day when it was becoming clear there was no way for her to win.

She continues her tests, sticking herself with needles to take blood samples every day after everyone's gone, only to find the same result each time. Her genes were mutating, and quickly.

There was no way of knowing how much time she had left.

…

Barry came by the lab late one night a few days later, to grab something he had left when he found Caitlin, slumped over her desk, head laying on lab reports. He fought the urge to smile at her as he gently picked her up, instantly surprised by how light she felt in his arms. He'd picked her up before, she's never been heavy but she was definitely never this light.

She stirs slightly in his arms as he lays her down on one of the spare beds, pulling a blanket over her frame before lightly brushing some hair back on her forehead. She sleepily groans, stretching her arms slightly, the sleeve of her shirt dragging itself up. That's when he sees the needle marks, what looks like lots of them.

He feels the urge to puke, actual bile rising in his throat and burning his oesophagus, it all made sense now. The paleness, the weight loss, the tired look that seemed permanently etched on her face. She was sick, maybe even dying.

The thought alone of her lying cold and stiff on a morgue table has him running for the nearest bin.

…

Caitlin wakes up in a soft bed with a happy sigh, rolling over she place her head on Barry's chest, tracing circles on the bare skin with her fingertips.

"What are you thinking about?" comes Barry's sleepy voice as he places his arm around her waist

"Just thinking about how happy I am" she says, looking up to him with a grin "I love you"

"I love you too" he smiles, pulling her up so he could press his lips to hers. She smiles against his mouth, moving her hands so she could grip his chin and pull him harder against him.

He opens her mouth with his tongue, extracting a moan from her as she grinds against his hips. She breathes out, moving her hands to his hair and lightly tugging. His hands fall from her sides. Whining, she pulls away to see what he's up to, only to find him pale, lips blue and ice cold.

"Barry?" she says, lightly shaking him "Barry this isn't funny" she moves her hands to his neck, but finds no pulse "BARRY! No! No, no no no"

She screams, falling out of the bed in horror as she goes to grab her phone from her vanity. She lets out another high-pitched scream when she sees Killer Frost smirking at her in her reflection.

"NOOOOOO!"

…

"Caitlin, Cait you're having a nightmare, wake up" Barry begs, gently shaking her shoulder to try and rouse her from her sleep "It's just me, you're safe"

She flings herself up in the bed with a scream, almost falling off when strong hands grip her shoulders, keeping her firmly planted on the mattress.

"It's okay, you're okay" Barry's soothing voice speaks next to her ear as she stiffens in his arms "You're safe Cait, I'm not going to let anything happen to you"

She almost laughs, he had no idea the he was the unsafe one in this situation. Still she allows herself to feel some comfort in his arms, it had been so long since someone had touched her, even if she made sure she kept her hands away from him at all times.

He pulls away after a minute, their faces so close she can feel his warm breath hitting her cold skin, burning her. He brushes away a few of the stray tears from her cheeks with his thumb "You going to tell me what's going on?"

She pulls away from him, moving off the bed with shaky legs and straightening out her clothes "I've already told you, nothing is going on. It was just a bad dream, I get them al-"

"I saw the needle marks Caitlin" he says, cutting her off "And I know that you're not stupid enough to do drugs so what's going on?"

"Just drop it Barry" she snaps, trying to get past him but he continues to block her "Barry get out my way"

He remains steadfast "No, not until you talk to me"

She glares at him "Barry, I mean it. Move"

"Or what?" he challenges "You'll hit me? I know you Caitlin, you're not going to hurt me"

Her fingers start to tingle, the beginnings of frost appearing at the tips. She tries to calm herself down, she can't lose control, not now, now when she was so close to someone she cared about "You don't know what I'm capable of Barry, please just let me go"

With that, she shoves past him, hands firmly tucked in her pockets as Barry lets her run away again.

….

They barely speak for about a week before the inevitable confrontation happens. They'd just taken in a meta, who had almost flattened an entire apartment block because of his powers emerging unexpectedly and now they were clashing over how best to deal with him.

"He's not safe to just have walking around in the city Caitlin" Barry argued

"So what, we just throw him in a cell and lock away the key? For something he can't control?"

"Barry's right Caitlin, we need to keep him here where we can monitor him" Iris interjects "He did just kill a whole bunch of people"

"He never meant to do any of that! That was his powers, not him and you know that! And now, you, what, you want to keep him here and do tests and experiments on him when he hasn't done anything wrong?" she turns to face Barry "Barry, you know how scary it is to wake up with powers that you have no idea how to control, you know how terrified that man must be feeling right now, he deserves a second chance"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair tiredly "It's just not that simple Caitlin"

She scoffs, narrowing her eyes "Of course, _you_ would say that"

The room falls silent, tension building as Barry frowns at her "Wait… what the hell is that supposed to mean?

"What I mean, is that you have no idea how incredibly lucky you are. Super-speed, telling the future" she says, glancing at Cisco who is standing in the corner, watching them fight "It's easy for you, your powers are nice, you never have to worry about hurting someone just by holding their hand, you don't have to be terrified of your own emotions. You get to be the hero, the good guy but not everyone gets that choice. One day your living your life and everything's going great and then all a sudden you're waking up to a room full of ice and you're turning into a monster and there's no way to stop it. You have no idea what that's like"

"Ice? I thought this guy's power was causing mini earthquakes" Iris says, looking back forth between the pair, utterly confused

Caitlin's heart is racing, she's said too much. There's no way they wouldn't figure it out now. She bites into her bottom lip, her hands shaking as she waits for one of them to speak. Barry's looking at her, she swears she can see tears glinting in his eyes

"No….No Cait" he says, shaking his head "God… How long have you known?"

"A few months" she mutters, eyes remaining on him

"Wait, known what? I don't understand, what's going on?" Iris says, turning to Cisco, who just shakes his head mournfully

"I'm a metahuman" Caitlin says, still not looking away

"You have powers? Wait, do you mean like Killer-Frost kind of powers?" Iris asks, a glint of fear appearing in her eyes

"I haven't _killed_ anyone!" she snaps, frost appearing around her hands and she tears her eyes away to glare at her.

The room temperature starts to drop, little cobwebs of ice appearing on the windows. Barry moves forward to try and calm her down but accidently startles her. An icicle shoots out of her hand, embedding itself in his leg as Iris lets out a horrific scream.

She's not sure if it was the scream or all the blood, but she quickly snaps back into focus, staring down at the carnage she'd caused. Iris is kneeling by Barry on the floor, who is groaning in pain and holding his leg while Cisco stands by looking horrified.

She meets Barry's eyes, feeling sick from all the pain in them "I...I'm so sorry" she sobs before fleeing the lab, ignoring Barry calling out her name.

….

Her bag has been ready to go for weeks just in case, so there's not much she needs to grab when she gets back to her apartment. She grabs a notepad and a pen, quickly scribbling out a letter for everyone for when they inevitably come to find her.

 _Cisco- You're my best-friend, you've been for me for so long and through so much. I can never repay you for that. I don't want you to feel sad about this, it's the best option for everyone and I know that you'll move on. Continue to crack jokes, and make those weird references to T.V shows that I don't understand. And please keep an eye on Barry for me, I have a feeling he'll blame himself after I'm gone._

 _Barry- I don't know the words to describe how much you've done for me. You came into my world at the worst time of my life and made me smile again. You brought me hope and laughter and so much happiness. At one point I even hoped that there might be something more between us. But that's impossible now. None of this is your fault, I pushed you away for your own safe, because I knew that if I told you, you'd try to help and there is no help for me. Please don't come looking for me, just move on with your life and be happy. You deserve to be. And because this is probably the last time I'll ever talk to you, I'll say it just once. I love you._

 _-Caitlin_

She places the notepad on her desk, taking one more look at the place she used to call home before picking up her bag and leaving.

…

It takes almost a month for him to find her again, in the downtown part of the city. She was waitressing every day to pay for a tiny apartment she rented under another name and was working when he first caught sight of her. She was paler, makeup obviously being used to try and cover the harsh shadows under her eyes that told him she wasn't sleeping and she had lost weight too, the pale blue uniform hanging off of her.

He goes to her apartment that night, knocking on the door with earnest at the thought that he'd finally be able to talk to her again. But she doesn't answer. So, he knocks again, this time a little harder. But still nothing. He begins to panic, what if she saw him during the day and had run away again? He couldn't lose her now, not when he was so close to seeing her again.

The door creaks open a little, Caitlin poking her head out "B-Barry? What are you doing here" she stammers as she opens the door fully

"I came to bring you home Cait" he says, going into her apartment, this wasn't a discussion he wanted to have in a hallway.

"I'm not coming home Barry, I-I have a life here" she says as she shuts the door, turning around to face him

"What? That diner you're working at? This tiny apartment?"

"I'm trying to stay under the radar, not that that matters anymore, I'm going to have to move again. Wait, how did you know about the diner? Have you been following me?" She asks, narrowing her eyes at him

"well it's not like I had any other options after you just up and left with nothing but a note" Barry snaps back at her

"You think I wanted to leave? You think that it was fun for me to pack up my life and run?" She shouts, hands flailing "That I enjoyed leaving all of you behind? It tore me apart, but I didn't have a _choice_ Barry, I-I'd already hurt you. I couldn't bear it"

"I'm okay Caitlin" he says, moving one jean cladded leg up so she could see for herself "Look, there's not even a scar. I healed not even three hours after it happened"

She scoffs, the sound foreign and bitter in her mouth "You think I care about that? You think that the fact there's no scar makes any sort of a difference to me? I hurt you Barry, _you,_ one of the people I care about most in this world. I can still see it when I go to sleep at night, I can still smell the blood. The fact that there's no physical evidence of it doesn't matter to me, not one bit"

His chest aches at the sight of her so visibly distressed, angry tears betraying her and falling down her cheeks. He makes a move to comfort her, anything to get that devastated look off her face but she yells out, moving back from him quickly "No! I'm not in control of my powers yet!" she shouts, petrified that she'd hurt him again "Do you see why I can't go back? She's in my head Barry, I'm dangerous"

"So, what? You just going to live the rest of your life terrified and never letting any get close to you again?" He asks "Cait, you can't live like that" he refused to let her live like that, he'd stay here with her if that's what it took but he was definitely not leaving her alone.

"No, I… I had a plan" she falters, staring down at her hands "If it was getting worse, if _she_ was getting stronger then I'd end it. Stop it before it could start"

His heart drops into his stomach, heavy like lead as he tries to process her words. Surely, she didn't mean she'd…. The thought alone makes him sick "What do you mean you'd end it?" moving forward again when she didn't answer "Caitlin?"

She's trembling, her hands shaking by her side as she looks up at him "I'm a doctor Barry, or at least I was… I know how to end a life almost painlessly"

A strangled noise emits from his throat, somewhere in-between a shout and a sob. Because she was talking about _that_ and if he'd come a month, a week later he could've lost her. Suddenly the urge to touch her, to make sure she's still here overwhelms him and he surges forward, cupping her face for a moment before moving his hands down to her shoulders and pulling her into his chest.

She tenses, firstly because this is the first time she's had any physical interaction with anyone in over a month, and second because didn't she tell him just a minute ago that she wasn't in control of her powers? But he refuses to let her pull away, tightening his arms around her further.

"God, Cait" he chokes out, breathing in the familiar smell of her shampoo, apples and cinnamon and something else that he can't figure out but was intoxicating all the same. He pulls away, framing her face with his hands again "That's not an option, okay? It's never going to be an option and I never want to hear you say something like that ever again alright? I'm sorry okay? I'm so sorry, that you've had to deal with this all by yourself but I need you to understand, there will never be a good enough reason for you trying to erase yourself from my life. Do you understand me Caitlin?"

She sobs, a heavy, choking sound that threatens to rip Barry's heart right out of his chest "I'm dangerous Barry, I-there are more important things than my life at stake here. And if it came down to it the safety of city matters more"

"No, there's nothing more important than your life" he says, firmly shaking his head "I know that sounds selfish but I don't care, I'm not losing you okay? You and I, we've been through too much together for it to end like this. You're a good person Cait, underneath all that cold, you're still you. So please, just let me help you"

She blinks up at him, tears still streaming and a slight frown on her face "Why do you care so much? I hurt you Barry"

"Finding your note hurt more" he confesses, thinking back on the pain he'd felt when he'd initially found it "I thought I'd lost you, this whole future of things I wanted to do just gone. You have no idea how happy I was when Cisco said he'd found you"

"Things you wanted to do?" she sniffs, finally bringing her hands up to fiddle with one of the buttons on his shirt and breathing a sigh of relief when no frost emitted from her fingertips

"Yeah, well really it was things I wanted to do with you" He admits, flushing when he realizes how that sounded "Not creepy things, just normal stuff. You know, like going out on dates, spending holidays together, stuff like that. Kissing you, that one was always first on the list"

For the first time in what feels like an eternity, a small smile appears on her face, instantly lightening the mood between them despite the tears on her cheeks "Y-You wanted to kiss me?"

"Not wanted, want to" he clarifies, moving a thumb to brush away the last of her tears "I want to kiss you until neither one of us has to energy to do so anymore, I want to be the one who holds you at night. I want to be the one to make you laugh and hold you when you cry. I want to dance with you and sing with you again. I want you to be the last thing I see at night and the first thing I see in the morning. I want everything Caitlin, and I want it with you"

"You do?" she whispers, her eyes flickering to his mouth for a moment before meeting his eyes again

"I do" he says, as serious as a marriage vow "Just please, come home with me"

She shakes her head "No need, I was home the second you knocked on my door" she says, wrapping her around his neck the same time his wind around her waist, pulling her to him. They collide, teeth clashing and tongues circling as he lifts her up, pushing her against the nearest vertical surface. There's no pull of his life draining into hers, no moment where his lips freeze against hers.

This was heaven, this was bliss. This was home.


	9. Somebody to Die For

In Every Life

Chapter 9

Somebody to Die For: _A rescue mission goes terribly wrong._

 _Another depressing one I know, I'm just in that kind of mood I guess. If there are any prompts or ideas you'd like to have as a one shot, feel free to leave them in the reviews!_

…

She was just the bait.

She knew that from the moment they dragged her into that van outside of Star Labs, they'd practically shouted it out on the way to the warehouse she was currently in. Wrists and ankles tied to a chair, a gag tied around her mouth, bruised and scraped but otherwise okay, she was forced to listen to them laugh about their plan to lure ' _The City's Greatest Hero'_ using his 'doctor friend' as bait.

The bigger of the two men leered at her, his yellow teeth gleaming in a twisted smile as he dragged the tip of the knife he was holding across her face "Don't worry gorgeous, your friend will be here soon and then we can have some real fun"

She shouts against the gag, the dirty material leaving a disgusting taste in her mouth. The man smirks before pulling the gag down to her chin "You…you've got the wrong person… I'm just a scientist" she pants, pulling against the rope restricting her limbs.

"You must think I'm stupid" he sneers, pushing the knife in just deep enough to pierce the skin, a drop on blood running down her temple "I've seen you with him Doctor Snow, I know you work together. So why don't you drop the act and tell me his name and then I'll let you go"

She spits at him, giving him her fiercest glare "Go to hell"

He smiles, wiping her spit on where it hit him on his cheek before promptly backhanding her, snapping her head backwards "Wrong answer doc. Now you know, I can do this all night, but I'd rather not mess up your pretty face anymore than I have to, so why don't you give me the name and this will all be over"

She straightens herself up, steeling herself to look him in the eyes "You...You can do what you want to me, but I'll never give you his name"

He studies her face for a moment before a smirk breaks across his face "You love him"

Her breath halts, her eyes falling to the floor. That's all the confirmation he needs, a cackle breaking from his mouth "Oh this is _perfect_ " he cackles "He'll definitely come now"

"You've got it wrong" she stammers, her voice shaky from whatever he injected her with to drag her into the vehicle without a fight "He probably hasn't even noticed I'm gone"

"Well I guess we'll just have to find something to do while we wait" he sneers, leaving a moment of tension filled silence before he slams his fist down on one of her tied hands. There's a snap as one of her long fingers breaks under the force and a strangled scream tears from her throat, her body bowing forward from the pain.

He doesn't give her a moment to recover, sending a blow to her stomach. Blow after blow land on her side, her face, the side of her head, minutes blending into each other as she struggles to keep herself afloat amongst the fogginess in her mind.

There's a shout from one of the men behind him "Sir, we have incoming"

He stops his fists, smiling at her at he quickly cuts her wrists and ankles loose, nicking them with the knife as he harshly cuts the ropes "Good, I was starting to think he wasn't going to come" he says as he pulls her up off the chair, her back against his chest.

There's a _whoosh!_ The brief feeling of wind on her face and then he's standing in front of them, donned in his red suit, only metres away

"Flash, how nice of you to finally join us"

"Let her go" he snarls, his eyes quickly taking in the damage the man had done

"I don't think you're in any place to be making demands" he sneers, moving the knife up to press against her throat "Now do as I say, or I'll cut you pretty doctor's throat"

"Okay, okay… just don't hurt her" Barry says, moving his hands up defensively

"Take off your mask"

"No! Don't do it!" she shouts, struggling until she feels the edge of the knife just pierce her skin "You can't reveal your identity, it's not worth it"

"I'm not going to let him kill you Cait" Barry protests, raising his hand to the bottom of his mask "It's going to be okay, I promise"

She shakes, her bottom lip trembling as he pulls the mask off, revealing his face. She can tell by the way his brow is knitted together and the way his jaw is clenched that he's scared and angry.

"Okay, mask's off. Whatever you want, it's between you and me, she's not part of this" Barry says slowly, keeping his voice even and calm "Just let her go"

He grins "Fine, have your doctor friend" he says, shoving her towards him.

She falls towards him, the events of the last few hours completely sapping her of energy. He reaches forward, catching her in his arms, his arms carefully around her waist as he holds her up "It's okay, it's okay. I've got you"

"Barry" she breathes out against his neck, winding her arms around it "Your mask.. y-you shouldn't have done that… it's a trap Barry, they took me to get you here"

"It's going to be okay" he reiterates his promise from earlier "You need to get out of here"

"No" she shakes her head against him "They're going to hurt you"

"I'll be fine" he says "But you're already injured, it's not safe in here for you"

"Sorry to break up the lovefest but we have some business to attend to" The man sneers, dragging their attention back

"Caitlin, go" he says again, moving her behind him

She grabs on to his hand with her unbroken one "No, I'm not leaving you"

"Aw well isn't that sweet? The two of you desperately trying to protect the other. I had that once, and then you took it all away"

"Why are you doing this?" Barry asks,

"because I used to be like you. I had a partner, the love of my life. He was everything to me and then one day he went out to the bank and never came back. And where were you flash? Nowhere to be found, you just let him die" The man spits out "And now I can get my revenge"

He whips the gun out of nowhere, firing it the second it's pointed in their direction. Caitlin doesn't think, pushing herself in front of Barry just as the bullet hits home. There's no pain at first, just the overwhelming pressure in her chest as the bullet sinks in like a knife into butter. Barry yells as she falls backwards, a hand to her chest to try and keep the scarlet blood in.

"No! No, no. Cait look at me, I've got you, stay with me c'mon"" She can only gasp in response, watching the panicked loom on his face as he pressed his hand harder against the wound

"It's okay, you're going to be fine just keep those eyes on me. I'm going to get you out of here just hold on, please"

There's the sound of more guns firing as Wally and Cisco enter, weapons in hand but Caitlin can't seem to focus, the edges of her vision darkening as the world swirls above her.

"No, no don't go to sleep on me. Open your eyes Caitlin." he says, picking her up in his arms. There was a flash and they were at the hospital, Barry's mask back in place "Help her, please" he begs, quickly drawing the attention of a few doctors and nurses "S-she's been shot… please, help her"

They pull her lifeless body from his arms, quickly placing her on a stretcher and wheeling her out of sight. He knows he can't stay, they'd probably already called the police. He tells the nearest nurse her name before flashing back to the lab, falling to the ground the second he got inside

…..

It takes her three days to wake up, the blood loss and surgery taking a toll on her body. Barry spends almost every minute by her side, only taking small breaks to shower and go to the bathroom.

She stirs late one afternoon, the middle of her chest feeling incredibly heavy as she slowly pulls her eyes open. Barry is sitting by her side, quietly reading a book, oblivious to her awakening.

"Barry.." she chokes out, her voice unusually rough and foreign to her ears.

He looks up so fast she would've laughed if it weren't for the hole in her chest, quickly snapping the book shut "Cait… you're awake" he breathes out, sounding as if he were about to cry. He embraces her carefully, the faint smell of his shampoo drifting into her nose

"how long was I out?" she whispers as he pulls away, gratefully taking a sip of the water he offered her

"three days" he says hesitantly "Your lung was punctured, they had to perform surgery to patch you up"

She winces as she shifts in the bed, her chest feeling incredibly tight as the small movement tugged on her stitches "The men?"

"In the pipeline, they weren't metas but after what they did to you they're lucky I didn't kill them, believe me I wanted to" he snaps, moving to sit on the side of her hospital bed "What the hell were you thinking, jumping in front of that bullet for me?"

"They were going to kill you" she mumbles, seeing the fury in his eyes

"I have healing powers Cait, you don't" he says, taking her small uninjured hand in his

"You can't heal from everything Barry, if it came down to it, your life is more important, we both know that"

He snaps, taking her face in both of his hands "I never want to hear you say something stupid like that ever again Caitlin Snow, do you hear me? I almost _lost_ you"

She reaches up, touching one of his hands with hers "I'm okay Barry"

"You almost weren't. There was so much blood Cait, the doctor said an inch to the left and you'd have died. Please just promise me you're never going to do something like this again. My heart can't take any more stress"

She hushes him, moving his hand so that it was intertwined with hers on the bed "That man, before you came, he said something to me" she says tiredly

"We don't have to talk about this now, you need to rest" he says, noting the clear exhaustion on her face "I should probably go get a doctor anyway"

She squeezes her hand around his, keeping him there with her "No, please don't. I want to… I _need_ to say this" she says quietly, her gaze drifting to their joined hands "He said I was in love with you"

He almost frowns, that was not what he was expecting her to say and this definitely wasn't how he imagined her saying those words, half conscious on a hospital bed after almost bleeding out in his arms. She speaks again before he has the chance to respond "I think he might have been correct…"

He remains silent, allowing her to continue "I've been feeling it for a while, and I tried not to, I did. But when he pointed that gun at you, I didn't think, I just… I couldn't let you get hurt, I had to do whatever I could to keep you safe"

He smiles, some of the worry and exhaustion relieved from his face "You sure know how to go overboard when it comes to declaring your love Cait. I would've been happy if you had just asked me out instead of taking a bullet for me, how am I ever going to top that? You're going to have to rest up and get better quick so I can take you out on the best date you've ever been on"

She grins tiredly, her mind beginning to become foggy with sleep once again "That sounds nice… I'd settle for just a kiss for the moment" she yawns

His smiles widen as he leans forward, lightly pressing his lips to hers. She leans into the kiss for a moment before breaking it off to release another yawn. He chuckles, kissing her forehead "Sleep now, I'll be here when you wake up"

She drifts off to the smell of his shampoo and hospital detergent, Barry's hand never moving from hers.


	10. Forest Fire

In Every Life

Chapter 10

Forest Fire: In which Barry doesn't go into the speed-force at the end of season free and eventually tracks down Caitlin.

….

It takes him three months to find her.

Months of scanning surveillance footage and listening in to police reports, hoping for some kind of lead. When her face finally pops up on a grainy image outside a bar in the southern district of the city he almost cries.

He waits there three nights in a row before spotting her. She's by the bar, a drink in hand, looking smaller than he'd ever seen her before.

"Caitlin?" he says cautiously, as he sits down in a stool next to her

She tenses, glaring at the bottom of her glass "I must have done something truly awful in a past life" she mutters, quickly downing the drink and waving over the bartender "hey, I'm gonna need another one"

"No, I think she's fine" Barry says, placing his hand on top of her glass and moving it away "Is this what you've been doing all this time? Drinking, alone in bars?"

"Oh, so now you care?" she snaps, grabbing the glass back and pushing it towards the bartender, a 20-dollar bill beside it "What happened Barry? Is Iris boring you with wedding plans so you remembered I existed again?"

He flinches at her harsh words, watching as the bartender placed another glass of brownish coloured liquid in front of her "I never forgot about you Caitlin"

"Well you could have fooled me" she says bitterly, taking a mouthful of her drink. He reaches for her hand and she pulls it back, the alcohol in her system making her movement sloppy and jarring "Don't touch me"

"Caitlin I just want to help you, this, drinking alone in seedy bars. This isn't you"

"Maybe it is now" she mutters, swirling the rest of the drink around in the glass before downing it "Do you have any idea what its like to have somebody take control over your body? To be nothing more than a backseat driver as someone wreaks havoc using your hands, your body. All those things she did, I can't stop thinking about them"

"Then come home with me, let us help you. This isn't healthy Caitlin" he says, gesturing to the bar they were sitting in "Drinking isn't the right way to deal with things"

She scowls and he immediately knows he's said the wrong thing. She stands up, a little shaky on her feet "You know what, screw you"

He stands, a hand going out to her shoulder before he decides that it probably wasn't the best idea "Cait, wait"

"No, fu-fuck you Barry Allen. I don't want your pity or your judgement" she stumbles on her words slightly "I was trapped in there, for weeks, screaming. You're a hero, you use your powers and everyone loves you for it. You've never had to be petrified to feel anything because it could turn you into a monster, you've never had to watch as your hands a-attack the people you love most in the world. So, until you have, you don't get to judge me for how I'm choosing to try and live with myself"

He falters on words for a few moments, pain and guilt riddling him "I'm just trying to help you"

"No, y-you're just trying to make yourself feel better about abandoning me" she says with a shake of her head, angry tears building in her eyes "Well I'm sorry but I'm not here to dissuade your guilt"

She walks out of the bar and he follows after her, trailing behind her "Caitlin, wait"

" 'm not Caitlin!" she bursts out, whipping around to face him "Not anymore. I stopped being her the moment I died in that medical bay and Killer Frost took over" she looks away, a few tears slipping out "You weren't even t-there"

"I know, I'm sorry" he says moving them to a dark alley so he could speed them away to his apartment without being seen.

"S-she's still in here you know?" she mumbles, wobblily tapping the side of her head "Sometimes I wake up in the middle of n-nowhere and then I remember what she did the night before"

"C'mon you can sleep in my room, I'll stay on the couch" he says as he guides her into his apartment, quickly showing her the way into his room

"Always the g-gentleman Allen" she hiccups, sitting down on the edge of the bed "Where is Iris?"

"Opal City… we're taking some time apart" he sighs, grabbing some sweats and an oversized jumper for her to wear "You can use these"

She snorts "Seriously, y-you spent all that time trying to save her, fuck I _died_ in the process and you're not even together?"

"Can you please stop joking about that? I'm traumatised enough" he snaps, not missing the frown that appears on her face

"I didn't think you even n-noticed, you were so busy trying to save Iris" she says bitterly as she changes into the clothes Barry gave her, either not noticing the way he turned red and look away or not caring "I was just co-collateral damage in your mission to save your fiancé"

He stiffens, feeling like she'd just sucker punched him in the stomach "You know that's not true Cait"

She lays down on the bed, not bothering to go under the covers "I don't know anything anymore Barry. I'm just e-empty now"

She stares up at him, her eyes filled with tears, looking smaller than he'd ever seen her before "Why didn't you help me Barry? I know I'm n-not Iris but you were my friend, I needed help and you left me alone"

Her drunken confession breaks his heart, the way her tears rolled down her cheeks as she succumbed to sleep splintering what was left in his chest. He raised a hand, brushing them away with his thumb, noting how cold her skin felt under his touch "I'm sorry Cait, I should've saved you"

He drapes a blanket over her still form before quietly retreating to his couch, the draining events of the last few hours finally taking their toll on him.

….

She wakes with a pounding headache in a bed that she doesn't know. Immediately starting to panic, she tries to recall what she did the night before, more specifically if her cold-hearted alter-ego had made an appearance. Upon not being able to remember anything, she begins to hyperventilate, throwing the blanket off her and checking herself for blood, bruises anything that would indicate that she had lost control again. She paused when she realised that the clothes she was wearing were not her own, another indication that Killer Frost had come out to play last night.

Still dressed in a strangers clothing, she quietly pads out into the unknown apartment, pausing when she hears a sound coming from what appears to be the kitchen. Mentally preparing herself for whatever horror she had unleashed, she grabs the nearest thing she can use to protect herself, an umbrella.

Her heart pounds as she rounds the corner to the kitchen slowly, her breathing short and heavy. Her palms seat around the umbrella, making it slightly harder to keep a grip on as she silently steps into the room, umbrella raised, ready to attack.

It drops to her feet with a _clunk!_ As she takes in the sight before her. Barry's standing in front of the stove, his back to her, dressed in a thin grey shirt and pyjama pants. He turns at the sound of the umbrella hitting the ground, a frying pan with eggs and bacon sizzling inside in his hand.

"Hey, you're finally up" he says with a grin, gesturing the frying pan towards her "I made us some breakfast, I figured you'd probably feel like something greasy this morning"

She remains frozen on the spot, her whole body trembling as she struggles to remember why she was here. How had he found her? Did he find her whilst she was Killer Frost and stop her from doing something awful? Did he come after and only see the aftermath of what she had become? "B-B-Barry?" her voice comes out as nothing more than a choked gasp.

Quickly sensing something was wrong, he set the frying pan down on the stove and moved towards her, noting the way her hands shook the closer he got "Hey what is it? What's wrong?"

"I- I thought" she splutters out "I didn't know where I was when I woke up… I thought… I thought I had... I thought _she_ had done something"

Finally realising what was the problem, he quickly pulls her into a hug, trying to ignore the way she stiffened in his arms "Cait, no. It's okay, nothing happened"

She struggles against him, her chest feeling incredibly tight as she struggles to breath "I.. I was scared I'd hurt someone again…I…I"

He pulls away, holding her face in his hands, her terrified eyes looking into his "It's okay Cait, you're okay just breathe. In and out"

"I… I can't!..." she gasps, her lungs starting to burn from the lack of oxygen "…I can't breathe!.."

"Shh Cait, look at me" he says, grabbing one of her hands and placing it on his chest, over where his heart lay "Just breathe with me okay. In for three and out for three. In for three and out for three"

She wheezes, taking a small breath in when she feels his chest rising against her palm and exhaling when she feels it deflate "There we go, just breathe with me okay? You're okay, it's alright I've got you"

It takes a few minutes but even her breathing returns to normal, her body trembling awfully as Barry helps her sit down on one of his dining table chairs "Does this happen often?" he asks as he fetches her a glass of water

"A few times a week" she confesses, looking away from him in shame "More if I lose control"

"Cait" he sighs, "God, I'm so sorry, I did this to you"

She tenses "I don't want to hear this Barry" she says as she moves away from him "What happened last night, how did I get here? Did I do something? If I did I want to know"

He inwardly sighs at her changing the subject but answers her nonetheless "No Cait, you didn't do anything. I found you at a bar, drunk and took you back here to sleep it off, that's all"

She groans, a little bit of last night coming back to here, the way she'd cried in front of him, her tearful confessions "I'm sorry for all of that, you shouldn't have had to deal with one of my breakdowns"

Moving forward, he grabs one of her hands again "Cait, look at me, please" the edge of desperateness in his voice forcing her eyes up to meet his "You were never just collateral damage"

She pulls her hands away, standing up from the stool "Don't, don't say things like that to me"

He follows after her "Why not?"

"Because none of it's true!" she shouts, turning her back on him.

He grabs her shoulder, turning her around "How can you say that, after everything we've been through?"

"it's because of everything we've been through!" she yells, shoving him away "You were one of my _best friends_ Barry, and then all of a sudden it was like none of us mattered anymore. Because you had Iris now, the rest of us were non-existent. I was drowning Barry and you didn't even care"

"That's not true" he argues, each word hitting him in the chest like a razor blade

"You made me use my powers!"

"To save Iris's life!"

"What about my life!" she cries out "Did you even think what that would do to me? I would've saved her anyway but that's besides the point, you didn't care about what it could have done to me…" she starts pounding on his chest with her tiny fists, angry tears falling down her cheeks "You _knew_ , Barry, you knew how scared I was of turning into her, how much I hated my powers. You knew and you didn't care. You didn't care!"

He grabs her flailing hands, pulling her into his chest while she struggled "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he whispers into her hair, keeping a tight grip on her until she finally stopped struggling against him and instead started sobbing into his chest.

"I was alone, I was terrified and you left me with _him_ " she doesn't have to say the name for him to know who she was referring to, months later and Savitar was still wreaking havoc on their lives "Why did you give up on me so easily?"

"I'm sorry Caitlin" he whispers over and over again, until she's finally out of tears and is sniffing against him instead "I'm going to make this right Caitlin, I swear I will"

She shakes her head against him "I don't know if that's possible Barry, even for you"

He pulls away, still keeping her close to him "Come back to the lab with me, it's where you belong Cait"

"I can't Barry" she protests "All those things I did, how can I look any of them in the eye ever again?"

"No-one blames you for what happened Cait, we know you weren't in control"

"And I'm still not, not completely" she reminds him, putting a little bit of space between them "She's still in here Barry"

"Then we'll work something out, Cisco already made some more power nullifying necklaces for you. Please, Cait, just come back home" he begs, holding her hand again.

She hesitates still, thinking it over for a minute "I'll come into the lab in a couple of days, see how it goes. But I'm not making any promises Barry, I told you before, I'm not your Caitlin anymore"

He's happy that she agrees to come in at all, almost going in for a hug before deciding against it. He'd already pushed her boundaries pretty far today. He squeezes her hand, an optimistic smile on his face "I promise you Cait, you won't regret this"


	11. Light

In Every Life

Chapter 11

Light

The birth of Caitlin and Barry's first child, as requested.

…..

He notices something's up with his wife one night as they get home from work. She's quiet, fidgeting, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth as she plays with the buttons of her coat as they step inside their apartment.

"Cait, you okay?" he asks, pulling off his own jacket

"Hmm? Yeah I'm fine" she mutters, the faraway look still not lost from her eyes

"You sure? You look a little out of it" he says, going over and placing his hands on the tops of his wife's arms "You're shaking, are you feeling okay?"

She doesn't answer, prompting him to speak again, worry starting to build in the pit of his stomach "Cait? What's going on? Whatever it is you can talk to me"

She looks up, meeting his eyes and taking a deep breath "Just wait here for a second, I'll be right back.

She quickly walks off in the direction of their bedroom, leaving him wondering what the hell was going on. A minute or so later, she comes back, a small brown bag in her hand "Here"

He takes the bag with a questioning look, pulling out a small parcel wrapped in red tissue paper "What's going on? Did I miss an anniversary or something?"

"Just open it" she says, a hint of a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.

He gives her another confused look, before gently tearing the tissue paper away, frowning as he pulled out the soft white material of a baby onesie, turning it around in his hands. On the front, in bright bold red letters are the words ' _ **My daddy's a superhero'**_

His eyes flicker between the article of clothing and his wife, who's smiling nervously at him "You're…..Are you sure?

She nods, an ecstatic grin spreading across her face "triple checked it myself, we're having a baby"

He stares at her in shock for a few moments, an ear-splitting grin spreading across his face, almost splitting it in two. He pulls her into his arms, picking her up and spinning her around as she laughed before setting her down and covering her face in kisses.

"I love you" he says repeatedly, trying to reach every inch of her skin where possible with his lips before finally capturing her mouth with his.

When he pulls away there are happy tears shining in her eyes "So I take it you're happy about this news?"

"Happy? I'm thrilled, overjoyed Cait. Are you feeling alright? When did you find out?"

"Only a couple of days ago, I woke up feeling off and then realised I was late. I was going to tell you straight away but I wanted to tell you in a special way and then I saw this and it just fit, I know it's super corny-"

He cuts off her rambling with a swift kiss, cupping her face when he pulls away "Cait, stop. It's perfect, I love you so much" He says, kissing her again.

She sighs into the kiss, a week's worth of tension finally dropping from her shoulders. He pulls away, resting a hand over hers on her stomach where their child lay "This is amazing, you're amazing"

"Well I did have some help"

"Speaking of that" he murmurs, his voice deepening as he pulls her closer "How about we go celebrate this news?"

He sweeps her off her feet, carrying her back to their bedroom, the sounds of her squeals echoing throughout the room.

…

"Alright, everything looks good, I'd say you're around 8 weeks along" Caitlin's OBGYN, Dr Robbins says as she snaps her gloves off, having finished the necessary tests "I'm going to do an ultrasound now, just to make sure the baby is developing properly, I'm sorry this gel might be a little cold"

Caitlin flinches from her spot on the examination bed, her hand tightening around Barry's who was sitting in a chair beside her. Dr Grey grabs the ultrasound wand and places it against the gel on her lower abdomen, moving it around a bit until a picture comes up on the screen beside her.

There's not much to see, mostly just black and grey fuzziness, but the second the screen comes to life they're both transfixed, watching the screen in complete awe.

"Okay, there's the amniotic sac. The yolk sac, the placenta. And there… is your baby" Dr Robbins says as she points to various parts of the screen, "You see that little flickering thing there? That's it's heart beating, it's got a good strong heartbeat, do you guys want to hear?"

They both nod fervently, and a few seconds later a fast _**whoosh**_ _ **whoosh, whoosh whoosh**_ sound fills the room. Barry inhales sharply, squeezing Caitlin's hand "Oh my god, Cait. That's our baby, we made that" he says, an almost childlike amazement in his voice "Listen to that heartbeat! She's strong"

"She?" Caitlin questions with a raised eyebrow "It could very well be a boy Barry"

"No, it's gonna be a little girl, and she's going to be just as beautiful as her mother" he says, pressing his lips to hers and kissing her deeply, pulling away so that his forehead rested against hers "I love you so much"

"I love you too"

They're smiling and laughing as they leave the doctors office, 4 copies of the ultrasound in Caitlin's bag.

…

Caitlin gets hit with morning sickness, hard. Apparently, the phrase morning sickness was not meant to be taken literally, because most of the time it's at night she's spending hours in the bathroom retching. She even ends up having to take a few days off at Barry's insistence, worried that she'd work herself too hard.

It also means that they have to tell their team a lot sooner than planned. They were going to wait until she was past her first trimester but then one day at work she stood up just a _little_ too fast and would've ended up faceplanting if it weren't for Iris, who happened to be standing nearby.

"Woah! Caitlin, you alright?" she exclaims, quickly helping her sit back down again "Barry!"

He's by their side in seconds, frowning at the sight of his wife with her head in her hands, eyes closed and elbows braced on her knees. He crouches down next to her, placing a hand on her back "Cait? Babe, talk to me"

She emits a small moan, opening her eyes to look at him but keeping her head in her hands "I just got a little woozy"

"Cisco can you go grab her some water?" Barry asks his friend, who came over once he saw the commotion "Are you in pain? Do you want me to call Dr Robbins? Maybe we should go to the hospital, you're really pale"

She waves him off, thanking Cisco as he passes her a bottle of water and taking a small sip "I'm okay, I'm probably just dehydrated or have low blood sugar"

"Are you sure? Because if you're feeling off I'd really rather Dr Robbins checked you out"

"Barry, I'm okay. I promise" She says, managing a small smile as she squeezes his hand

"Okay, what is going on? Caitlin, you look half dead and you practically collapsed in the middle of the cortex. And who is 'Dr Robbins'? Oh my god are you sick, are you dying? Is that why you took that week off when Barry said you had the flu?" Cisco rambles, not letting either of them get a word in

Barry looks at Caitlin who shrugs "We were going to have to tell them sometime soon anyway. We can't keep telling them I've got food poisoning"

Smiling, he squeezes her hand and affectionately kisses the side of her head before turning to face their team members "We were going to wait a couple more weeks to tell you guys, but it seems like we've run out of time… We're having a baby"

Iris is the first to react, squealing as she wraps her arms around the woman she was fussing over moments before "Oh my god! I'm going to be an aunt!"

Joe pulls him into a hug, before kissing Caitlin's cheek "My first grandkid, I'm so happy for the both of you"

"Yeah, we're pretty happy about it" Barry says as Cisco claps him on the back with a laugh

"Just think, this kid could be a little speedster. You two have your work cut out for you. Oh, I could make a mini suit!"

"You are not making a mini suit for our child Cisco" Caitlin laughs as she fishes out the ultrasound picture from her bag to show everyone "besides, it could very well be a hundred percent normal"

"No child of Barry's will ever be normal" Joe chuckles "He tried to dry his wet sneakers in the oven once as a teen, the kitchen smelled like melted plastic and dirty socks for weeks!"

"Don't even get me started on the first time he tried to cook" Iris interjects "The smell of that meatloaf, I still can't look at one without wanting to gag"

He turns red as everyone starts laughing "Yeah, yeah okay, we done making fun of me yet? Cait, distract them with the ultrasound"

Wally flashes off, coming back with a bottle of champagne, some apple juice and six glasses "I think this calls for a toast" he says, handing out glasses as Cisco pops open the champagne bottle, pouring every but Caitlin, who had juice, a glass "To the newest member of the team!"

"To Baby Flash!"

"Cisco!"

….

She feels the baby properly move for the first time whilst at home with Barry. They're in bed, he's reading out a passage from one of the many baby books he's bought in the last few months, when there's a sudden spasm in her belly, like a muscle twitch.

A gasp escapes her lips, immediately catching her husband's attention as one hand goes to the spot on her belly where she felt the movement "Cait? Babe, you okay?"

Grabbing his hand, she pulls it over to where hers had been a second ago, threading their fingers together "Quick, feel"

His eyes flit to their intertwined hands, staring for a moment before he feels the small thud against his palm "Is that?...Was that the..?"

"Yeah" she nods tearfully "Our baby is moving"

He laughs, moving his hand to cup her face, kissing her gently for a moment before moving his hand back to her stomach. It stays there all night.

…..

He's in Starling City when she goes into labour. She'd throttle herself if she could, she was the one who pushed him to go hang out with Oliver, have one final 'guys day' before the baby came.

Thankfully she's not alone, she invited Iris over to spend the day after Barry's insistence that she shouldn't be left alone. They're binge watching some show on Netflix when the nagging twinge in her pelvis intensifies, forcing a gasp from her mouth.

She doubles over, pressing a hand to her belly as Iris immediately pauses the episode they were watching "Caitlin? You okay?"

"yeah" she says with a shaky wave of her hand "just Braxton hicks, been having them on and off the last week"

"You sure? You've been doing that a lot this morning" Iris says, gesturing to her other hand, which was currently rubbing circles against the side of her stomach.

"I'm fine Iris, just put the episode back on, it'll help distract me"

Iris frowns, but presses play none the less. They get through another 7 minutes of the show before she stiffens and lets out a small groan, another painful cramp passing through her body.

Iris closes the laptop this time "Okay, okay you're not fine. What should I do? Do you want me to call Barry?"

She just nods, focusing on trying to take deep, calm breaths. Iris immediately pulls her phone out and dials Barry's number, her panic only increasing when she goes straight to voicemail. She calls once, twice, three more times, each going to voicemail before finally turning back to Caitlin, forcing a smile on her face.

"Okay so he didn't pick up, but I'm sure everything's fine. He'll call back in a minute. Plus, you said this could take ages, right?"

Caitlin nods, trying to ignore the panic that settles in the pit of her stomach "Yeah, you're right, he'll probably call back in a minute"

He doesn't. Her contractions keep coming, getting stronger and more frequent as time passes and there's still no word from him. The sudden feeling of dampness seeping through the back of her dress has her shouting for Iris.

"What, what is it?" Iris asks as she rushes in from the other room where she was trying to call Barry again.

"My…My water just broke.. I need you to take me to the hospital" she pants, slowly moving off the couch.

"Oh god, oh god, okay. What do you want me to do?"

"I need to get changed first. Can you call my OB? The number is on the fridge, it's Dr Robbins. And my hospital bag, it's by the door" she says as she makes her way into her room, changing out of her wet clothes as fast as she can and into a new dress.

Iris has the bag in hand when she comes back out, waiting at the door. They get to the hospital relatively quick, Iris not wanting to, quote 'have to deliver her niece or nephew in her car with nothing but old magazines and her emergency makeup kit'. If Caitlin wasn't in the middle of a contraction, she would've laughed at her panic.

Things move very quickly once they arrive, Caitlin is already 8cm by the time she's checked in and moved straight to the delivery room. Iris stays by her side the whole time, holding her hand as she sobs through contractions.

Within an hour she's at 10cm, the nurses quickly getting her ready for delivery as she looks at Iris in panic "No, no he's not here yet. He has to be here, we have to wait"

"Caitlin I'm sorry but we can't wait. You have to start pushing soon" Dr Robbins says apologetically from the end of the bed

"No, I can't.. I can't do this without h-" she lets out a loud cry, another contraction stealing her breath away. She refuses the urge to push, her whole body shaking with the effort.

"Caitlin you have to push, the longer you resist the more danger you put you and your baby in"

Iris watches as her friend sobs loudly, shaking her head as tears spilled down her cheeks "No"

Steeling herself, she squeezes the hand in her grip "Caitlin, look at me"

Teary, brown eyes meet hers, tears still rolling down her face "Your baby needs you. I know this isn't how you wanted this to happen, but even if Barry doesn't make it he's going to be here right after, and every day after that. That's what matters. You can do this, just squeeze my hand as hard as you need to"

A few more tears slip out but she nods, squeezing her eyes shut.

"Okay, here comes another contraction. Push!"

She squeezes Iris's hand tightly, crying out as she strains with the effort of trying to push her child out of her body.

They continue this for twenty minutes when there's a loud commotion outside, the sound of something crashing to the ground and someone shouting apologies before the door slams open. A very flustered looking Barry rushes inside, one of his shoes untied and his shirt buttoned up unevenly. He drops to the side of her bed just as Iris hops up, flexing her hand as she leaves the room "Thank god you're here, she has one hell of a grip"

She's currently in the middle of a contraction, her entire focus on pushing, so much so that she barely notices when he grabs her hand, kissing her sweaty forehead. When the contraction is finished she flops back onto the bed, a pained smile on her face as she locks eyes with her husband "You…You made it"

"Nothing was going to keep me from missing this" he mutters, kissing her hand "I'm so sorry, Oliver took us out for a training exercise and my phone was off so I-"

"It's okay" she cuts him off, squeezing his hand "You're here now, that's what matters"

"here comes another one Caitlin, deep breath… and push!"

Barry grips her hand, the one going to rest on her knee as she cries out, her body hurtling forward "You're so strong, I love you so much"

"You're doing great Caitlin, I can see the head" Dr Robbins announces "Just a few more pushes and the baby will be out"

It takes 7 more, to be exact. She lets out one more guttural moan as she feels the baby slip from her body before collapsing back onto the bed, a shrill cry piercing the room.

"It's a boy" Dr Robbins exclaims, lifting up the wriggling, screaming baby in her hands. He kisses the side of her sweaty forehead, mumbling proclamations of love into her ear as she lays the baby on Caitlin's chest, rubbing his back with a towel.

Her hands instantly go to cradle the baby, brushing gently over some of the matted brown hair that Caitlin can already see he has inherited from his father "look at him, look at what we made Barry"

They're both crying, Barry watching the baby is awe as he gently strokes the baby's cheek with his finger "he's perfect. You have made me so unbelievably happy Cait"

She grins at him, the brightest smile he's even seen gracing her lips, before she leans forward, capturing her lips with his. She pulls back after a moment, gazing back down at their son "welcome to the world Benjamin Henry Allen"


End file.
